<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Gray Area by seraphic_gate</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23179774">Gray Area</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphic_gate/pseuds/seraphic_gate'>seraphic_gate</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, GakuTsumu referenced, M/M, Mutual Pining, Part 4 spoilers, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:48:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23179774</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphic_gate/pseuds/seraphic_gate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaku and Tenn move in with Ryuu.  Tensions are high, feelings are messy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kujou Ten &amp; Nanase Riku, Kujou Ten &amp; Tsunashi Ryuunosuke &amp; Yaotome Gaku, Kujou Ten/Yaotome Gaku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Gray Cloud</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This will be slow burn, not much plot, multi-chapter. If eventually smut happens, I’ll change ratings but I’m not even sure yet so I’m leaving it at T+ for now.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some things I realized might be important enough for context before I got into it:</p><p>1. I can’t deal with i7 having no sense of chronological time, so everyone is a year older (Tenn is 19) and the time of year it is might be wrong, I did my best.<br/>2. Spoilers for part 3 and 4 of i7’s game, but not like super strict about the canon of it because I don’t 100% understand everything that happened haha<br/>3. Mainly GakuTenn, but Gaku’s feelings for Tsumugi are present here, and you can probably view some of the stuff with Ryuu as polytrg if you squint</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tenn stood under the light that shone inside the door.  His hand fell from the button on the intercom.</p><p>Gaku had seen Tenn crying in the rain not long ago.  Tears of relief and gratitude.  He’d covered him with a towel so that the world wouldn’t see him in that fragile state.  Those tears were only for Trigger and their dearest fans, and they were precious.</p><p>This hot and strangled sob was nothing like that. Tenn was hurting, and like the idiot that Gaku was, everything he did made it worse.</p><p>But he couldn’t have done nothing. Going about this the wrong way was better than doing nothing at all.  Tenn had spoken up for himself in the end.</p><p>He couldn’t congratulate himself for that.  Tenn’s pain was palpable, like a bitter taste lingering in the air between them.  His shoulders were tensed up and his fists balled.</p><p>Ryuu was the one with the power to help him.  “Let’s take a break,” he said.  He reached out and touched Tenn’s shoulder.  “We’ll worry about the rest later.”</p><p>Tenn took one more strained breath and nodded.  He helped himself to the couch, sitting down at the center of it.</p><p>Anesagi clutched her hand to her chest.  “I’m so glad that’s over. My heart nearly stopped!”</p><p>“Everything is fine,” Ryuu said, waving his hands to call everyone down. Tenn had already composed himself.  The only one freaking out anymore was Anesagi.</p><p>“Are you boys really okay?”</p><p>“Yes,” Gaku said.  “How about you?”</p><p>“I’ll be fine, as long as nobody is taking our Tenn away.”</p><p>“I am sorry to have alarmed you,” Tenn said.  His tone was a little too controlled.  “I promise, I will talk it over with you, if anything else develops, Manager.”</p><p>Ryuu sat down next to Tenn and began to rub his back.  Gaku envied the way Tenn would accept that kind of affection from him.  If Gaku tried it, he’d probably get punched.</p><p>He decided to see about their manager instead.  “It’s getting late,” he said.  “Do you want me to walk you to your car?  You know, just in case anyone’s still out there.”</p><p>Anesagi sighed.  “You three don’t even have beds here, how are you going to be okay</p><p>“We’re fine, come on, relax.”  Gaku sighed.  “There’s a couch and an extra futon, we’ll be fine.”</p><p>He walked Anesagi out the door and then down through the hallway and onto the elevator.</p><p>Anesagi seemed to work through the anxiety of these events by talking, going over everything down to the smallest detail.  How she was going to have their furniture delivered, and if Kujo didn’t send Tenn’s bed, she would buy him a new one.  </p><p>Gaku could see the benefit in this coping method, but he thought it better to get this frantic energy away from Tenn until he was feeling better.</p><p>He nodded and agreed with short responses until they approached Anesagi’s car in the apartment complex’s garage.</p><p>“Do you need me to ride home with you?”</p><p>Anesagi turned to him and smiled.  “You better stay here,” she said.  “You’re the only one who keeps Tenn on track.”</p><p>“Me?”  Gaku had to laugh.  “He only listens to Ryuu.”</p><p>She shook her head.  “Go back upstairs.  I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“All I need you to do is promise me, next time you go to Kujo’s house, take me along too.  I’d give that guy a piece of my mind.”</p><p>***</p><p>Tenn hadn’t had a feeling like this since he was a child.  His chest was tight, and he had to focus in order to breathe evenly.  A few deep breaths and it passed, but it was worrisome all the same.</p><p>Ryuu came back from his bedroom with his arms full of pillows and blankets.  He was trying to hide it, but anyone could see he was overjoyed to have both Tenn and Gaku staying there in the foreseeable future.</p><p>“Thank you,” Tenn said, taking a blanket.    He decided not to scold Ryuu too much for coddling him.  That much was in his nature.</p><p>As they waited for Gaku to return, Ryuu sat down next to Tenn and turned on his TV.  “There’s a movie marathon tonight,” he said.  “At least, that’s what the guide said.”</p><p>Tenn was impressed at how well Ryuu could sense what he needed and go about it without calling attention to it at all.  Ryuu would make a great MC if he weren’t so shy.</p><p>He needed something to distract Gaku from talking even more when he came back.  Something to focus on, rather than keep going over the same points yet again, and getting angry even though he knew Gaku was right.  He needed something to stay up and watch so that he didn’t have to try to sleep.</p><p>It was a kaiju movie special.  Black and white monsters in funny rubber suits.</p><p>The intercom buzzed again.  Tenn’s mind jolted at the sound, but he managed not to react physically.  It was just Gaku asking to be let in again.</p><p>Ryuu got up to push the button.  “I’ll have to get you both keys,” he said.  He wasn’t able to hide how happy the thought of that made him.</p><p>Tenn was still processing that.  With Aya going with Kujo overseas, it wasn’t as if he had anyone to take care of at home.  He may as well be here.  But did it make him happy?  He felt like he should be.</p><p>Gaku entered.  “Movie night, huh?”  And just like that, he was playing along with Ryuu’s game.  He sat on the couch on Tenn’s other side, and didn’t say a thing.</p><p>Gaku could be perceptive when he tried.  </p><p>Tenn found himself sitting with a big sweet idiot on either side of him.  He had to count himself lucky.</p><p>—-</p><p>Gaku wasn’t too interested in these kind of movies, but he understood the need to put something, anything, on.</p><p>Ryuu played gracious host all night, cooking up snacks and bringing Gaku a beer.  Tenn had some juice.  It made things feel almost normal.  </p><p>But it wasn’t normal.  Tenn was zoned out.  Retreated into himself.  He ignored the few attempts Ryuu made at jokes.  Didn’t say anything snarky about Gaku putting his feet up on the coffee table.</p><p>Time passed, and Gaku felt himself zoning out of his own thoughts.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but he could stop ruminating about, well, pretty much everything, if he watched giant monsters smash cities and drank his beer.</p><p>He sat quietly in that mode of listlessness until a soft weight against his chest pulled him out of the daze.</p><p>He looked to his side to find Ryuu and Tenn snoozing away.  Ryuu was laid out over the opposite armrest.  Gaku had put his arm across the back of the sofa, and Tenn had slumped into him soon as he lost consciousness.</p><p>Gaku looked down at Tenn’s messy pale hair.  He could feel soft breaths against his neck, and had a moment of clarity.</p><p>None of that other stuff mattered.  His dad, Tsumugi, the scandals, or anything.  The only thing that mattered that night was that Tenn was still with them.</p><p>If he had that, then he could be happy.</p><p>He slid his arm around Tenn as gently as he could.  He didn’t want to wake him, but the blanket had fallen off his shoulders, and the night was getting colder.  </p><p>Tenn shifted, half-awake.  Gaku expected him to move, to say something snide and roll over into Ryuu instead, but he didn’t.  He just nuzzled into a more comfortable position against Gaku’s neck.</p><p>“Stay still,” Tenn mumbled.  “I’m warm enough.”</p><p>Gaku laughed softly.  “Don’t give yourself a sore neck.”</p><p>“The only pain in my neck is...” he was about to say <i>you, Gaku,</i> but fell asleep again before he could finish.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Strawberry Pancake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gaku woke the next day alone on the couch with a blanket draped over him.  For a half second he forgot where he was.  As the recollection of last night came back to him, he felt the distinct lack of Tenn curled into his side.  He ran his thumb over his fingers, wondering if the touch of his hair had been part of some kind of dream.</p>
<p>There was a buttery sweet smell in the air.  He could hear Ryuu and Tenn in the kitchen, their soft voices in a back and forth on what to add.</p>
<p>“He likes strawberries,” he heard Tenn say.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, you’re right, but don’t make it too sweet, or he’ll turn his nose up at it.”</p>
<p>They laughed at his expense just as he dragged himself off the couch and approached the kitchen island.  He was in his clothes from yesterday, and hadn’t even brushed his teeth.  “Turn my nose up at what?”</p>
<p>“Soufflé pancakes,” Tenn said.  “Go wash, it’ll be ready in just a few minutes.”</p>
<p>Tenn’s hair was still damp from a shower and he was wearing one of Ryuu’s big shirts that hung down to his knees.  Gaku wondered if he had shorts on under there, or...?</p>
<p>“I put out some clothes for you,” Ryuu said.  “They might a little big, but you’ll fit into them better than Tenn.”</p>
<p>“You’ve both been up a while, seems like.   How long did I sleep in?”</p>
<p>Tenn smirked.  “You stayed up the latest, didn’t you?  So don’t worry about it.”</p>
<p>“What’s this about strawberries?”</p>
<p>Tenn ran up to him barefooted, his feet slapping on the floor, and waved his arms to shoo Gaku out of the kitchen.  “Go wash!”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure I’m even awake.  Are you really cooking me breakfast?  Must be dreaming.”</p>
<p>Tenn huffed.  “It’s not only for you.”</p>
<p>“Okay, sure.”</p>
<p>He turned and started stumbling in the direction of Ryuu’s bathroom, but before turning the corner, he took one look back.  Tenn was smiling and instructing Ryuu when it was precisely the right time to flip the pancakes.  In just that loose shirt, with his hair wet, and the morning light coming through the window, he was cute.</p>
<p>If Tenn could smile like that after last night, he would put on a brave face, too.</p>
<p>—-</p>
<p>“You could just tell Gaku thank you.”</p>
<p>Tenn wrinkled his nose at that.  He’d just finished plating a pancake with no cream or syrup—just a bit of fresh strawberry purée on top, no sugar added.  “It’s not for him.”</p>
<p>Ryuu laughed.  “You are not as good at lying as you may think.”</p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p>“Well, Tenn, this one is especially for you.”  Ryuu handed home a plate of pancakes with cream and butter with fudge and sprinkles on top.</p>
<p>“If I eat that I’ll gain ten pounds.”</p>
<p>“Good!”</p>
<p>Before he could argue about that, Gaku emerged from the bathroom wearing Ryuu’s t-shirt and sweatpants.  His hair was still wet and slicked back.</p>
<p>“Could you dry your hair?  You look like a rat.”</p>
<p>He yawned and took his seat at the kitchen’s island.  “A sexy rat.”  Tenn groaned.  Gaku looked at the plate.  “Is this for me?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Ryuu said.  “Tenn made you a special no-sugar strawberry compote.”</p>
<p>Tenn rolled his eyes.  “Only so he won’t complain.”</p>
<p>Gaku took a bite and made the most embarrassing sound.  “Mm, it’s good.  Been a while since anyone cooked me breakfast.”</p>
<p>What an idiot.  Tenn sat at the table away from the island so that Gaku wouldn’t see his face heating up.  “Don’t compare me to one of your ex girlfriends.”</p>
<p>“Of course not.  None of them could cook this good.”</p>
<p>Ryuu sat with Tenn at the table, but in such a position that he could face them both.  He laughed.  “I wonder what kind of women they were...”</p>
<p>“I don’t care to know;” Tenn said.  “Save the details of your romantic history for your next night out at the bar.”</p>
<p>“It’s not like there were very many, who do you think I am?”</p>
<p>Tenn scoffed.  Ryuu opened his mouth to offer some other platitude no doubt, but his phone’s alert beeped.  He read the message and summarized it for them.</p>
<p>“It looks like Anesagi is arranging for your things to be brought over today.”</p>
<p>“Gaku’s?”</p>
<p>“Ah...”  Ryuu took a moment to decide what to say about that. “Well, you know how tenacious our manager is.  She must have somehow gotten permission from Kujo to bring your things from his place.”</p>
<p>“Somehow, huh?”  Tenn sighed and kept eating.</p>
<p>Gaku shook his head.  “Let’s just be glad she’s on our side.”</p>
<p>—-</p>
<p>It felt weird to have nothing to do.  Gaku was used to six hours of sleep most nights, and rigorous activity throughout most days.  He was sure he’d gotten at least that much, but he was still yawning and groggy even into midday.</p>
<p>Ryuu excused himself to go on a run.  It was his daily thing.  Even when they didn’t have practice, and it wasn’t convenient to go to the gym, that was what kept him grounded.</p>
<p>Gaku took a quick look at the two spare bedrooms Ryuu had.  The advertising deals he had with companies like Thunder Dry had been good to him, apparently.  It was a three bedroom apartment in Tokyo, and in a swank complex at that.  He wondered if Ryuu was even renting it anymore, or if he’d bought it.</p>
<p>To his dismay, one of the two rooms was essentially a Trigger shrine. Ryuu kept all the merch he had collected from their promotions in there, and there was a lot of it.  </p>
<p>The other one was more like an office.  There was a computer with a webcam set up in there.  Gaku figured he must use that to communicate with his family.</p>
<p>Moving in was going to be more of a hassle than he anticipated.  </p>
<p>He made his way back to the living room.  Tenn had found a book to read.  He sprawled out on the couch as if to say he didn’t want anyone sitting down with him.</p>
<p>Gaku found the image of him quietly relaxing to be somewhat out of character.  “I guess I’ve never really seen what you get up to on your days off.”</p>
<p>Tenn shot a look up at him.  “I’m trying to read.” </p>
<p>“Oh, excuse me, damn.”</p>
<p>Tenn moved his legs with maybe a little too much flourish for not having any pants on.  “You can sit.”</p>
<p>“Oh, can I?”  </p>
<p>In spite of how annoying it was, he took a seat on the couch as offered. Tenn went back to reading.</p>
<p>It was a nice couch.  The cushions were fluffy.  It wasn’t long before Gaku felt himself drifting off again.  </p>
<p>The sound of the buzzer snapped him out of it.  “I’ll get it,” he said.  </p>
<p>Soon Anesagi was there, and she had a box of things for each of them.  A few pairs of clothes, toiletries, extra phone chargers, their laptops, etc.</p>
<p>“You didn’t have to do this,” Gaku said.  “Not for me, anyway.  I could have gone to get my stuff.”</p>
<p>“It was nothing!  I just hope I grabbed the right clothes for you.”</p>
<p>Tenn took his box and looked through it.  There were a few outfits in there, as well as another pair of shoes and a pink sweater.  “An excellent job, as always.”</p>
<p>“Oh, come on now!  It’s nothing.  And I felt I had to, since the movers won’t be able to get here by tonight after all.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>Gaku saw the distant look on Tenn’s face and wondered if he was thinking about going there.  Albeit Kujo-san </p>
<p>The door opened again and Ryuu joined them.  He was glowing with sweat after his jog.</p>
<p>“Anesagi-san,” he said.  “There are some pancakes left over, do you want some?”</p>
<p>“Sorry, I’m on a diet.”</p>
<p>“But you’re in great shape!”  Ryuu laughed and rubbed his face with a clean towel.  “Will you excuse me while I shower?”</p>
<p>“Certainly,” Anesagi said.  </p>
<p>Ryuu smiled at everyone in turn and disappeared into the hall.  </p>
<p>Anesagi returned her attention to Gaku and Tenn.  “Your things will be here tomorrow.  For tonight, will you be okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Gaku said. “There’s a couch here and an extra futon mat.”</p>
<p>“Well, all right then.  I have an appointment I need to get to, but text me if you boys need anything.  I can run it by this afternoon.”</p>
<p>“Just focus on what you need to do.  We’re fine here.”</p>
<p>Gaku walked her to the door and said goodbye as she left.</p>
<p>Tenn sat down on the couch again.  A moment passed in silence after Anesagi was gone.  Then Tenn began to speak.  “Do you think she’s coddling me?”</p>
<p>“What?”  Gaku sighed.  “What gives you that idea?”</p>
<p>“Well, she’s been acting a little too sweet,” Tenn said.  “And aside from that, she grabbed a stuffed bunny from my house like thats one of my essentials.”</p>
<p>Gaku leaned over to look in Tenn’s box and saw the cute plushie.  He snickered.  “You still have stuffed animals, huh?”</p>
<p>“Tsumugi gave it to me,” Tenn said, and narrowed his eyes up at Gaku.  “You didn’t get one?”</p>
<p>Gaku tried to ignore the teasing tone in his voice.  “If a woman gives you a stuffed animal, she must not see you as a grown man.”</p>
<p>“Well I am too young to drink.”  He hugged the rabbit and sighed.  “I hate putting out manager out of her way.  But she’s right.  It does feel kind of nice to have it with me.”</p>
<p>“Tenn, I was thinking...”. He trailed off, struggling to verbalize the thought.</p>
<p>“You?  Thinking?”</p>
<p>“Hey, shut up.”  He groaned and decided to push through even if the words were wrong.  “You said that you like making people happy, right?  Well, it makes us happy when you let us worry about you a little.  So just let us do it sometimes, okay?”</p>
<p>“Pfft.”  Tenn rolled his eyes.  “You should try thinking a little harder next time.”</p>
<p>“Whatever, be stubborn if you want to.”  He watched Tenn pout and really didn’t want to end the conversation on that kind of note again, so he hurried on.  “Anyway, we’ll have to share the living room tonight.  One of the rooms isn’t too bad, but that other one is wall to wall Trigger merch.”</p>
<p>“Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I walked in there and saw about a hundred of my faces staring back at me.”</p>
<p>“Well, I guess we’ve got all day and part of tomorrow to figure it out.”</p>
<p>Ryuu returned from the shower, all fresh and energetic.  “Figure our what?  Did Anesagi leave already?  I wanted to ask her about finding a storage room.”</p>
<p>“That’s exactly what we were talking about,” Gaku sighed.  “You want to send your beloved trigger stuff to a storage room, really?”</p>
<p>Ryuu smiled.  “The two of you are my most beloved Trigger stuff.”</p>
<p>Tenn got up again and headed toward the bathroom with his box of clothing.  “Next show, we should introduce ourselves as Ryuu’s Trigger stuff.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Holding You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p># <br/>Soon every surface in the living room from tabletop to floor was covered in Trigger merchandise and Ryuu’s own hand made photo books.</p>
<p>“It’s cute of you to make scrapbooks like these,” Tenn said, flipping through one.  “Most people would just put it on a website, you know?”</p>
<p>Ryuu held one of the books tenderly to his chest and his gaze took on a fond look.  “Pictures of us together the way we really are might damage our image if they were public, so I kept all the really good ones the old fashioned way.”</p>
<p>Gaku leaned over Tenn’s shoulder and looked into the book open in his hands.  Many of the photos were out of focus or badly cropped.  Ryuu wasn’t the best photographer.  But he had a knack for catching candid moments.  Gaku ran his finger over one image of Tenn laughing.  </p>
<p>Tenn flipped the page from under his finger.  Gaku sulked and sat down in his spot again.</p>
<p>The photo books were organized into a neat stack and Ryuu turned his attention to yet another box of merch.</p>
<p>“These are just Tenn and Gaku,” he said, smiling.  “Doubles.  Do you want any?”</p>
<p>Tenn looked at him in dismay.  “Why do you have so many doubles of just Gaku and me?”</p>
<p>Ryuu chuckled happily as he explained.  “I get at least two sets of everything so that I can keep a full set and give the others to my family, but they really just want the Ryuu things—that’s why I have an excess of Gaku and Tenn.”</p>
<p>“That’s a relief.” Tenn sighed.  “I thought you were really turning into a deranged fan.”</p>
<p>“Well, it is always good to have extra Tenn and Gaku for backup, they’re my favorite members, you know.”</p>
<p>“I can’t tell when you’re joking.”</p>
<p>Gaku grunted like an old man as he pushed himself off the floor.  “All right, lets put everything away so we can get to bed at some point tonight.”</p>
<p>They had taken a brief trip to a store to buy a bunch of air tight and waterproof bins that would protect Ryuu’s valuable collection in storage.  After returning from that and organizing everything, it was getting late.</p>
<p>Once the boxes had been neatly stacked in a corner, the three began to get ready for bed.  </p>
<p>Ryuu had a smaller bathroom with a standing shower attached to his bedroom, so the process for him was mostly uninterrupted.  He told the others that he did enjoy long baths, but he would schedule those indulgences around their needs.</p>
<p>Gaku and Tenn agreed to share the larger bathroom with both a shower and tub.  Although they often showered in adjacent stalls after practices, and modesty amongst all three of them wasn’t an issue, Gaku agreed with him that they should take turns just to avoid wanting to kill each other as much as possible while living under Ryuu’s roof.</p>
<p>Tenn let Gaku go first, and after some bickering (because for some reason Gaku argued with him even though he was being considerate) Gaku went.</p>
<p>When Tenn entered the room after Gaku had used it, it smelled like the soap and shampoo that he used, an obnoxiously masculine, musky smell.  He’d left the hot water in the tub standing in case Tenn wanted to use it.  </p>
<p>Tenn thought that was perhaps a little too much for now.</p>
<p>Being at Ryuu’s house with the two of them felt akin to spending the night at a friend’s.  Even before living with Kujo, Tenn had rarely had that kind of experience.  He was always taking care of Riku, and couldn’t be away from home overnight.  But occasionally, he and Riku would be permitted to stay at a cousin’s place when their parents were busy with work.  He remembered that excitement, how everything felt special and fun.</p>
<p>Perhaps that was why the situation here still felt so surreal, like a nostalgic dream.</p>
<p>By the time he showered and dried himself, Gaku and Ryuu had finished unrolling a futon’s mattress onto the floor.</p>
<p>“Are you sure it’s all right like this?” Ryuu asked.  “I know Tenn isn’t very heavy, but it’s not that thick of a pad.”</p>
<p>“I’ll ask if he wants the couch instead.”</p>
<p>Tenn rolled his eyes.  “I told you, it’s just fine.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Gaku didn’t want to annoy Tenn too much while their new living situation was still new, but he had a suspicion Tenn was not speaking up about his discomfort.</p>
<p>He stayed up after the lights had turned out long enough to make certain Tenn would fall asleep.  He had to pretend to be sleeping to pull this off, otherwise Tenn might catch on and complain again.</p>
<p>He could barely see, but the faint glow of the city that could never be entirely blocked out even by Ryuu’s heavy curtains.  Tenn had gone out like a light, his arms wrapped around the big stuffed rabbit.</p>
<p>Curled up on the cushion under a big puffy comforter, Tenn looked like the absolute apex of all softness.  Gaku felt a sudden sense of yearning to lie down there with him.</p>
<p>He rolled over to face the inside of the couch and tried not to think about that.  It was his loneliness talking.  He just wanted <i>someone</i> and Tenn happened to be there.  </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Work resumed the next day.  Vacations never lasted long in their line of work.</p>
<p>It was only practice and a few meetings.  Since they had become essentially an independent group, TV and radio spots were much less frequent.</p>
<p>When Anesagi drove them home from work, it had only just gotten dark.</p>
<p>Their manager was still transporting a few things back and forth, so the seating situation was a little mixed up.  Gaku took one of the middle seats next to a box of stuff, while Tenn and Ryuu shuffled into the back.  </p>
<p>Tenn yawned.</p>
<p>“Are you sleepy?” Ryuu asked.  </p>
<p>“A little.”</p>
<p>Gaku grumbled.  “I knew that futon wasn’t comfortable enough for you.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that, I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“Manager.”  Gaku leaned forward toward Anesagi in the driver’s seat of the van.  “When’s Tenn’s bed coming?”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t able to get Kujo-san’s underlings to release the furniture in his room, so I’ll have to buy him a new one.  I can do it tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Please stop annoying our manager with such insignificant problems,” Tenn said.  “I can sleep on the floor, it’s no problem.”</p>
<p>“It’s not a small problem, you barely get enough sleep as it is!”</p>
<p>“He’s right,” Anesagi added.  “I can’t have one of my idols sleeping on the floor.  Even if you’re fine with it, it’s embarrassing as your manager to think of you in that kind of position.”</p>
<p>“Tonight you can switch with me,” Gaku said.</p>
<p>“What makes you think the couch will be any better than a futon mat?”</p>
<p>Gaku bristled and opened his mouth to lash back at him, but Ryuu interrupted him.  “Now, now,” Ryuu said in that paternal tone of his.  “Tenn, why not share my bed just for tonight?  I have a big bed in my room.  I share with my brothers all the time.”</p>
<p>“Okay, that’s fine.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine?” Gaku scoffed.  “So when Ryuu makes a suggestion, you just agree like that?”</p>
<p>“Ryuu makes better suggestions, that’s all.”  Tenn yawned again.  He looked like he could hardly hold his eyes open.</p>
<p>“It’ll take a while to get home because of the traffic,” Ryuu said.  “You can lean your head on my shoulder and take a little nap if you want to.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, that sounds good.”</p>
<p>Gaku grumbled under his breath as Tenn willingly accepted the offer.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The next morning, Tenn had managed to get a radio spot.  It was strange, in the wake of such a success as their last show had been, to be so excited about a small local radio show.  But they were happy for it, and Tenn was up bright and early, ever the professional.</p>
<p>Since they had less to do that evening, they scheduled their practice a few hours later to accommodate Tenn’s morning job.</p>
<p>That meant Gaku and Ryuu weren’t due at work until around ten, and the two of them could have a lazy breakfast and continue organizing the house.</p>
<p>“You should have seen Tenn this morning,” Ryuu said, grinning ear to ear.  He’d gotten up and started making breakfast.  </p>
<p>“Hey, why are you cooking again?  It should be my turn.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind.  You’re still new to my house, so I’ll feed you for a while.”</p>
<p>Gaku groaned and took a seat at the kitchen table.  “I’ll have to get up earlier tomorrow to beat you to it.”</p>
<p>Ryuu hummed a tune and flipped the eggs he was frying.  Nothing so fancy as soufflé pancakes this time.  “Tenn was so cute,” he said.  “When I woke up, he was curled around my arm all soft and warm like... like a little white rabbit.”</p>
<p>“He’ll kill you if he ever hears you talking about him that way.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know.  But I was so happy because he looked relaxed.  He seemed better rested when he got up this morning.”</p>
<p>Gaku sighed.  He couldn’t deny the twinge of jealousy he felt, imagining Tenn like that, with none of his walls up.  “I’m glad he could be that way around you, at least.”</p>
<p>Ryuu finished plating and brought the food to the table.  He smiled.  “Tenn is always more concerned about what you think of him.”</p>
<p>“Eh...”. Gaku groaned as he shoveled eggs into his mouth.  “I don’t get him.”</p>
<p>Ryuu always smiled at things like that, like he knew something the two of them didn’t.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The radio show was a standard affair.  Anesagi had screened the questions ahead of time, so that they’d be typical idol fluff—no questions about Trigger’s business status or where their funding had come from out of nowhere, or anything like that.</p>
<p>A car came to take him from the radio station to the studio.  Since it afforded him some time away from the group, he figured it would be a good time to respond to a message from Riku he’d gotten earlier.</p>
<p><i>Do your best,</i> is all that he could think to send in reply.  Riku deserved the encouragement, but he knew he should not be the one to offer more than that.</p>
<p>
  <i>Thank you, Tenn-nii!!</i>
</p>
<p>The response was sent within seconds along with a copious amount of heart emotes.  </p>
<p>Tenn felt a wrenching feeling in his heart. He thought back to how he’d fallen asleep on Gaku’s shoulder, how he’d clung to Ryuu in his sleep and woken up in such an embarrassing state.</p>
<p>The sound of their hearts lulled him to sleep like nothing else.  Like nights when Riku was well and so happy to curl up to him.</p>
<p>He looked down and realized he was still holding his phone.  A new message from Riku.  The alert hadn’t pinged because the window was still active.</p>
<p>
  <i>By the way, is Yaotome-san doing okay?</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Why are you asking about Gaku?</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>The last time I spoke to him, he seemed really sad.</i>
</p>
<p>Tenn sighed.  Gaku was being so transparent that even someone like Riku could notice it.  While wearing your heart on your sleeve might be an admirable quality in most people, for an idol it could be troublesome.  </p>
<p>
  <i>It’s hard for him leaving Yaotome-pro, that’s all.  Please don’t concern yourself with it.</i>
</p>
<p>He had been lax in his own presentation as of late.  Living with the others was already feeling comfortable.  That would have to stop.  Gaku needed his support more than ever.  </p>
<p>Ryuu could provide kind words and comfort better than he ever could, so his job would be to act as their strong foundation.  </p>
<p>
  <i>Is there anything I can do to help cheer him up?</i>
</p>
<p>Riku’s way of showing care was much more direct.  There was something to be said about that.  </p>
<p>
  <i>I’ll handle it.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>You three are living together now.  We should have a housewarming party! I can help!</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>That won’t be possible at the moment, but I will consider the idea.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Yeah, you’re right.  i7 is busy with work more than ever, too.  Well, good luck!  I will be cheering for all three of you!</i>
</p>
<p>The emotes began to pour onto the screen.</p>
<p>
  <i>Thank you, we will be cheering for idolish7 as well.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Delusional</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tenn met with the others at practice later that day. </p><p>Still no new songs, no new choreography.  </p><p>Ryuu and Gaku performed flawlessly as usual, but there was an unspoken tension between them, a pit in the stomach that Tenn was sure they all felt.</p><p>A person who they didn’t know came to drive them home after work.  This wasn’t unusual when Anesagi had another pressing matter to deal with, and she had much more to do now that they were on their own, without Yaotome-Pro’s large networks to support them.</p><p>“May I see your ID?” </p><p>Gaku exhaled a tense breath.  “Tenn...”</p><p>Tenn stood firm.  “It’s a fair question.”</p><p>The driver presented his ID, and the name matched the one Anesagi had texted them.</p><p>“Thank you,” Tenn said.  “I’m sorry it that was odd.”</p><p>The driver didn’t seem phased, perhaps used to these sort of security measures.</p><p>“Whatever makes you feel safe,” Ryuu said.  He helped Tenn into the car and got in after him.</p><p>“The two of you should be vigilant as well.”</p><p>Gaku closed the door after they’d all gotten inside.  “I was about to ask him.”</p><p>“So why did you scold me?”</p><p>“Because I want you to let me worry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>They reached their building and were let out of the car.  They waited for the elevator and soon were on their floor.  Ryuu’s apartment was at the end of the hall.</p><p>“You’ve been kind of quiet today, Tenn,” Ryuu said.  “Did you sleep well?”</p><p>Tenn had slept better than he’d like to admit.  “I don’t need to be talking all the time like some people.”</p><p>“Hey, I—“</p><p>Ryuu shushed Gaku, and held his long arms up like two locked turnstiles in front of them to stop them from advancing down the hallway.</p><p>Tenn and Gaku looked up and fell silent as they noticed the door to Ryuu’s apartment was open.</p><p>It only took Tenn a moment to remember that Anesagi said she’d be delivering his bed.  That was probably why she had been too occupied to drive them.  He took a deep breath as he realized how tense they all were. at nothing.</p><p>Before he rose his voice to explain, Anesagi exited the door and started at the sight of them all standing there frozen.</p><p>“What are you three doing out here in the hall?”</p><p>Gaku sighed.  “You scared the shit out of us.”</p><p>“What?”  She seemed to consider it for a moment, but quickly moved on.  “Anyway, I’m glad I caught you on the way out.  Tenn’s bed was installed.  Please inspect it and tell me if it’s adequate, Tenn.”</p><p>“I’m sure it’s fine.”</p><p>Ryuu smiled and pat his shoulder.  “It’s okay to tell us if it’s not soft enough.”</p><p>Tenn huffed and brushed his hand away.  “Please.”</p><p>Gaku chuckled behind him as he led the way inside.</p><p>***</p><p>Gaku’s bed had been set up as well, and all his things stacked in boxes in his room.  All the rest of his furniture had gone to storage but the thought of what to do with it all was far from his mind.</p><p>He shut the door and made a call.</p><p>“Yeah, what is it?”  His father’s voice was gruff as always, but since he’d left, Gaku thought there was maybe a twinge of anxiety in his time when they spoke. Maybe he was just imagining it.</p><p>“Don’t worry.  I just need a little advice.”</p><p>He could hear a muffled grumble.  “Since when do you ask me for that kind of thing?”</p><p>“What’s a good security company?  One that provides drivers and body guards.”</p><p>He paused.  “I see.  I’ll send those details to Anesagi.”</p><p>“I want a good one.  I’ll pay for it out of my personal funds if she can’t afford it from the business account.”</p><p>“Did something happen?”</p><p>“No, and I hope to keep it that way.”</p><p>“I’ll make a few calls.”</p><p>Gaku sighed.  “Don’t.  Neither of us can afford to be seen helping each other out.  Just give me the numbers, I can take care of it.”</p><p>“Very well.  I’ll text them to you.”</p><p>“And take care of yourself.”</p><p>He huffed a sound like he almost might laugh at such a sentiment.  “Same to you.”</p><p>***</p><p>“If your bed isn’t exactly what you like, we can return it!”</p><p>“You really just want to sleep with me again.”</p><p>“N-no!”</p><p>Gaku returned to the living room just in time to catch the middle of this conversation. “Don’t let anybody hear that out of context.”</p><p>“I’m just saying,” Ryuu went on.  “It’s always nicer to pick your own bed.  It’s personal, and just for you.”</p><p>“This one is fine.  It’s perfectly soft, and Anesagi-san picked a nice bed set, too.”</p><p>Ryuu conceded with a big sigh.  “Okay.  But I’m still taking you to the furniture store next week when we have a day off.  You need other things aside from a bed.  You need a dresser and a nightstand and—“</p><p>“I have more than enough of that kind of stuff in storage,” Gaku said.  “Tenn can borrow it, then I won’t have to pay the fee.”</p><p>Tenn rolled his eyes.  “All black and chrome, I would guess.”</p><p>“It’s modern.”</p><p>“Tenn should pick out his own style.”</p><p>“You’re really coddling him, you know?”</p><p>Tenn got a strange look on his face at that, like he’d just remembered something.  “Oh. By the way. It’s your turn to cook, Gaku.”</p><p>It was a subject change, but not one he minded.  “It’s about time,” he said, and walked into the kitchen.  “.  What do you want?”</p><p>Tenn followed him and leaned against the island counter to watch.  “Ryuu bought some fish.  Will you make that really good sauté we had at his birthday party last year?”</p><p>“Well, I doubt Ryuu has all the seasonings, but I’ll make something tasty for sure.”</p><p>Ryuu didn’t follow them into the kitchen.  “I’ll shower while you’re cooking,” he said, and disappeared into his room.</p><p>Gaku gathered all the aromatics and herbs he needed and began to sauté them with olive oil.  Tenn watched him intently.</p><p>“Can you get me a bottle of white wine?” Gaku asked him.  “Ryuu’s got a few in his pantry.”</p><p>Tenn didn’t need any help or instructions finding the right one.  “Here.  This is best for fish.”</p><p>Gaku took it and uncorked it with his teeth, which made Tenn roll his eyes at him.  “Not gonna ask how you know that.”</p><p>“Minors are allowed to have wine in sauce, you know.  The alcohol cooks away.”</p><p>“Uh huh.  Nothing to do with your teenage trips abroad.”</p><p>“Not at all.”</p><p>Gaku got a chuckle out of Tenn’s coy act, but something felt off about it.  Tenn had been aloof all day and then all of the sudden he was giving Gaku his undivided attention.</p><p>It did feel kind of good to have Tenn watching him, though.  Especially when he was smiling like that.  He poured himself a glass of the opened wine and decided to take it at face value for now.</p><p>It didn’t take long to cook the dish once all the ingredients were simmering together.</p><p>Ryuu joined them in his night clothes, fresh from the shower.  “Whatever it is smells great.”</p><p>“It’s one of Gaku’s romantic specialties.”</p><p>Gaku shook his head at that.  “It’s weird how food with all this garlic and onion ends up being associated with romance.”</p><p>“But you won’t deny that’s why you learned the recipe, will you?”</p><p>Tenn’s eyes were sparkling with mischief, begging Gaku to respond and start up a playful argument.</p><p>“You’re the one who asked me to make it for you.”</p><p>Another coy look.  “I can’t deny that.”</p><p>***</p><p>It was getting a little too obvious whenever a Ryuu left them in a room together.  Maybe “big brother” Ryuu thought this the best way to help the little brothers learn to get along.</p><p>It was patronizing, but he didn’t mind. He could play the role of the one who needed to be protected and the one who needed to be saved, if that was what would reassure the two of them.</p><p>He remembered Gaku’s comment about him being like a hostess.  Crudely worded, but apt.  Tenn didn’t know any other way to be.</p><p>Ryuu returned, and they gathered at the table.  Gaku took the pan off the stove and attempted to transfer it to a serving bowl.</p><p>“Ah shit, it’s hot!”  The oven mitt hadn’t been thick enough to hold onto the pan’s handle for that long.</p><p>Tenn had to smile.  He could never understand how someone with as much skill and experience with cooking as Gaku had somehow always managed to burn himself.  “Is your hand all right?”</p><p>“I let go before it got me,” Gaku said, as triumphant as if he’d snatched his hand away from the jaws of a tiger.</p><p>Being nice was becoming harder by the second.  Tenn wanted so badly to tease him.</p><p>***</p><p>The flavor of Gaku’s dinner had been bold and warm with a touch of spice.  Tenn ate a little more than usual, and went to bed with a full stomach.</p><p>Unfortunately, even a belly full of Gaku’s special romantic dinner and a new soft bed were not enough to let him sleep well.</p><p>He turned the light off to make sure that Gaku and Ryuu thought he was asleep, and began scrolling idly through his phone.</p><p>Riku was on location at a new drama he was shooting along with Izumi.  Tsumugi posted a few photos of them together onto idolish7’s fan site.</p><p>He wondered if Riku would be proud of how well he followed through on cheering up poor, sad, Yaotome-san.  Or if he would be angry.  Letting Gaku think he needed him like that.  </p><p>It wasn’t as if he didn’t need Gaku.  He merely chose to show it in a specific way that would avoid any complications. There was no reason to feel dirty about it.</p><p>He turned his phone off to at least make an attempt at sleep.  </p><p>As he laid there sleepless, his mind wandered to how comfortable he’d been on the couch sleeping against Gaku’s shoulder.  How warm he had been in the cold night.  His expensive cologne.  The low murmur of the TV and the sound of Ryuu and Gaku breathing on either side of him.</p><p>Even though it wasn’t real, it was only taking place in his mind, he soon drifted into a deep sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was stuck on this fic trying to figure out how I can write around the canon events, and in the end I felt it was least stressful if I do a time skip.  </p><p>For those of you who might not be up to date on part 3/4 of the story, Trigger manages to get cast in a musical called Crescent Wolf.  Their future as a group is riding on how it is received with the public, and there is a lot of potential for scandal.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tenn walked to the back end of the apartment and listened at the crack of Ryuu’s door.  He heard soft breathing, not quite a snore.  </p><p>He let out a deep breath in relief.  Ryuu had been putting a lot of pressure on himself for the success of this project.  Neither Gaku or Tenn or even Anesagi blamed Ryuu for what happened, but he had taken hard.  It was nice to see him sleeping soundly.</p><p>As he was about to go back to his own room, he caught the sound of a muffled voice.  Gaku was speaking to someone.</p><p>“Takanashi-san, sorry it’s so late.  You didn’t have to answer, I could have left a message.”</p><p>Tenn cringed at the sound of <i>Takanashi-san</i> fall from Gaku’s mouth, as if he was addressing her father.</p><p>“Oh, I’m glad I didn’t wake you, then.  I just wanted to let you know that I’ve taken care of everything, you won’t have to worry.”</p><p>There was a pause as Tsumugi responded.  Tenn pressed his ear to the door until Gaku picked up his side of the conversation again.</p><p>“Don’t worry about us.  I’m not at liberty to talk about it yet, but Trigger has something big coming soon.  You can count on that.”  There was a notable forced enthusiasm in his voice.  “Anyway, have a nice evening.”</p><p>He should not have cared so much as to how Gaku’s dumb crush was panning out; but the resigned sigh following the end of the phone call made his heart sink.  Riku had said that Gaku seemed sad, and he hadn’t put it together then.</p><p>Here he was thinking he had it all figured out, while Gaku had been carrying this feeling around on his own, never telling Tenn or Ryuu that things with Tsumugi were over.</p><p>***</p><p>Gaku ended the call and sat down at the edge of his bed, thoughts shattered like a glass that slipped away and hit the floor, nothing left but a heap of sharp edges.</p><p>Why did it hit him so hard?  He thought he had let this go months ago, that day at the i7 house, but hearing her voice made the wound fresh again.</p><p>All this agony for a relationship that had never gone anywhere.  It wasn’t fair to either of them to say she didn’t return his feelings at all.  He knew that she liked him, too.  But it was a dream that went unrealized.  Maybe that’s why it was so hard to let go.</p><p>He heard a gentle knock against his bedroom door.  Panic racked his brain as he double checked himself to make sure he wasn’t letting out some kind of sob that might have alerted them without realizing.  But no, he wasn’t making any noise, so how did they know anything was wrong?</p><p>He gathered himself and opened the door.</p><p>There was Tenn, looking up at him.  In one hand was a glass and a shaker, and in the other was an unopened bottle of high end Japanese whiskey.</p><p>“Where did you get that?”</p><p>Tenn smiled.  “I have my ways.”</p><p>Gaku narrowed his eyes.  “I’ll bet you do.”</p><p>Tenn pushed his way in, letting the door close behind him.  “I was saving it for your birthday, but tonight is as good a night as any.”</p><p>His mannerisms were calm and collected as he popped the cap off the bottle and poured it into the shaker of ice.  Gaku was stuck somewhere between the surreal image of Tenn in his room taking care of him, and the anger that bubbled up when he thought about why.  “Were you listening?”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to,” Tenn said.  “I was checking on Ryuu, and happened to hear something.”</p><p>“You’re such a liar, pretending you don’t care.  Then poking your nose in like this, when nobody asked.”</p><p>Tenn answered by raising the glass of golden liquid he had poured from the shaker.  </p><p>Gaku took it.  “Fine.”</p><p>Tenn turned away and twisted the cap back into place.  “You don’t have to talk.    Just drink.  That’s what you like to do, right?”</p><p>The first sip had quite a bite, even after it was diffused by ice.  But that was good.  A shock to the system, warmth in his chest as it went down.</p><p>“Not as fun when my drinking partner can’t even drink.”</p><p>“I’d send Ryuu to keep you company, but he’s sleeping soundly.  So while it may not be as fun, you can drink and I’ll just sit here and supervise.”  He helped himself to a seat on the bed.</p><p>Gaku grumbled and joined him while downing the glass.  He shook the empty glass in Tenn’s direction for more.  Tenn sighed and went to shake a second round.</p><p>“What did I say that tipped you off?”</p><p>“<i>Takanashi-san</i>,” Tenn said, in a tone as if the name gave him physical pain.  </p><p>Gaku let out a huge sigh.  “Yeah.”</p><p>“Did she finally turn you down for good?”</p><p>“If only,” Gaku said, while swishing they liquid in his glass.  “If it was like that, I could cut my losses and move on.”</p><p>Tenn’s eyes widened.  “Did you...” He looked so shocked.  “Did you break it off?”</p><p>“There wasn’t any ‘it’ to break.”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s entirely true.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter.”  He downed the second glass and held the empty glass up again.  “I can’t have people bothering her and threatening her career because of the mess that Trigger is in.”</p><p>“So that’s it.”  Tenn shook his head in dismay, but poured the third glass as requested.  </p><p>“Ryuu beat himself up thinking he was to blame for all of this, but I was so close to tanking everything—not just Trigger, but Tsumugi’s reputation as well.”</p><p>His thoughts were getting too fuzzy to explain it in detail, and for that he was glad.</p><p>“A shame,” Tenn said.  His voice sounded wistful as he stared off into nothing.  “I was rooting for the two of you.”</p><p>Gaku let those words rattle in his brain a bit.  Tenn had no idea what a one-two punch to the gut that was.  Not only putting the final nail in the coffin of his relationship with Tsumugi, but also revealing in the same breath that Tenn himself had no romantic inclination toward Gaku.</p><p>Gaku realized all at once that he’d been hoping for that somewhere in his stupid heart.  An unspoken hope which he hadn’t even thought of until that very moment had the life stomped out of it under Tenn’s boot.</p><p>“More booze,” he said, extending his glass. “Come on.”</p><p>“Haven’t you had enough yet?”</p><p>“If you’re gonna supervise; you’d better do your job.”</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>***</p><p>It didn’t take much more whiskey before Gaku was a slobbering mess, blabbering away about inane nonsense, but he wasn’t thinking about Tsumugi anymore, and that was the point.</p><p>“Hey, hey,” he said, as if Tenn wasn’t already paying attention to him, swaying where he sat and pinching Tenn’s sleeve.  </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>His head dropped to Tenn’s shoulder.  “How come you’ll snuggle all the time with Ryuu but not with me, huh?  How come?”</p><p>Tenn sighed.  There was a reason, but none that he would ever tell Gaku.  “What, are you jealous?”</p><p>“Hm...”  Gaku giggled drunkenly.  “Yeah.”</p><p>“Here.”  Tenn sat up straight and pat his hands against his lap.  “Just this one time, you’re allowed.”  Because the odds of Gaku remembering this in the morning were lowering by the second.</p><p>Gaku eagerly accepted the lap pillow as given.</p><p>Tenn laughed softly as Gaku nuzzled against his legs.  He ran his hands through the mess of silver curls in his lap, and Gaku purred like a cat.</p><p>“Hm, Tenn, you have squishy thighs.”</p><p>“I am regretting this already.”</p><p>Tenn waited, listening to hear if Gaku would say any other dumb thing.  He didn’t.  Soon his breaths slowed and Tenn felt his weight sink into him.</p><p>Even when he moved to lie down, Gaku didn’t stir.</p><p>***</p><p>The next day came, and Gaku found himself alone in bed.  For some reason, even though he’d been sleeping alone for the last several years, that felt out of place.</p><p>Last night was...  His head hurt.  It was with Tenn.  Tenn and a lot of alcohol he got from who knows where.</p><p>He sat up.  By the light filtering through the curtains over his window, he was sure he could make out an impression in the bed beside him.  When he placed his hand there, it seemed warm. </p><p>Wishful thinking.</p><p>He didn’t have long to think about it before Anesagi was pounding on his door.  “Gaku!  Meeting at 9!”</p><p>“Ah, shit.”  He had forgotten about that.  They weren’t late yet, but it was going to be a rush.</p><p>Hectic was better.  Always moving, eyes on the target.  No time to think about the useless what-ifs.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Treasure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What followed were weeks of intense training and promotion. </p><p>Tenn woke up and found the others already gone, a rare situation for him, the non-drinker and the early riser.</p><p>He ate a big breakfast to prepare himself for the day, and no sooner had he grabbed his bag than there was a knock at the door.  A member of Gaku’s private security company was there to escort him.</p><p>“How’s your morning?” he asked the man, who looked like a secret agent out of a cartoon show, with his suit and dark glasses.</p><p>He answered politely, without saying anything specific about himself or anyone else, as expected.  </p><p>Tenn could appreciate keeping distance.</p><p>***</p><p>They each went to different vocal coaches who could help them with their individual needs.  This wasn’t an idol show, there wouldn’t be recordings or autotune to hide behind.</p><p>Tenn welcomed the opportunity, and he liked his coach.  She was an older woman had worked on Broadway in her youth.  Tenn secretly wanted to pick her brain for all the stories about those days, but he would remain a professional as always.</p><p>They’d only gotten started, but he could already understand how sheltered he had been at Yaotome Pro, and how much he would have to change his thinking if he intended to advance.</p><p>He would advance no matter what.</p><p>After vocals came acting.  Acting wasn’t a new thing to him, but he wanted to approach it from this new point of view.  He was not an idol guest starring in a drama anymore.  People wouldn’t forgive bad acting just because they liked his face.  People wouldn’t watch just because they were already his fans.  </p><p>He needed to become a true performer in every sense.</p><p>***</p><p>Finally, he was reunited with Gaku and Ryuu in a dance studio.  Even though they’d never been to this particular one, for him to walk inside and see Gaku and Ryuu in their sweats doing their warms ups, it felt like coming home.</p><p>“New choreography, finally,” Gaku said.  “I’d shout for joy, but that new vocal couch I’ve got would kick my ass for straining my voice.”</p><p>Tenn sighed.  “That’s not something new.  You should have been taking care of your voice this whole time.”</p><p>“Tenn nagging me? Now things really feel back to normal.”</p><p>Ryuu laughed and gave them both a pat on the back.  “I’m so happy to dance with the two of you again.  I know the musical doesn’t have dance numbers, so I was worried maybe, Ah...”</p><p>“What we wouldn’t dance together anymore?” Tenn sighed.  “Come on, that’s not going to happen.”</p><p>Ryuu looked down.  “With all this other stuff, it almost feels like we aren’t even idols anymore.”</p><p>“We are Trigger,” Gaku said.  “Don’t forget it.”</p><p>Anesagi handed out sheets with the new lyrics.  “This new song is a little different from your image in the past, but I hope you’ll enjoy it even more.”</p><p>She started up the instrumentals that would serve for practice until they recorded the lyrics.  Instead of a polished synth sound, it was jazzy and energetic. </p><p>Tenn hadn’t seen Gaku and Ryuu this hyped up about a song since that time they mistakenly came into possession of an Idolish7 song, Natsu Shiyouze.  Just like back then, the opportunity for something fun and different made their blood pump.</p><p>And this time it was a song for them, about them and their time together.</p><p>Tenn smiled and threw himself wholeheartedly into the work.</p><p>***</p><p>The days passed like that.  The three of them were like ships passing in the night except for those few hours they spent practicing for their new song.</p><p>Tenn was enjoying it.  They didn’t speak much.  They didn’t need to.  Dancing with them was enough for him.  He was content.</p><p>Or, he thought so.  He still had trouble sleeping.  He was used to sleeping short hours, but he didn’t understand why he kept waking up.  Regardless of the reason, it he felt like a car running out of gas by the end of every night.</p><p>“We need an afternoon off,” Gaku said.  “Not even a whole day, just enough to make a meal at home and get some extra sleep.”</p><p>Tenn didn’t think this schedule should be particularly hard for Ryuu or Gaku to keep up with.  Gaku must be trying to protect him again.  If this had happened before, he’d probably squash Gaku’s foot with his heel or say something snide to him.  </p><p>But if it would make Gaku feel better to have that illusion of taking care of him, then it was no great sacrifice to let him.</p><p>And the fact was that, though he hated to admit it, he could use a day off.</p><p>Anesagi hummed, thinking about it.  “Your MV is coming along ahead of schedule, so why not?  You can all head home tomorrow after your coaching sessions.”</p><p>Gaku and Ryuu smiled at each other like a couple of kids who found out school was canceled.  Tenn just sighed.  </p><p>“What am I going to cook?” Ryuu said.  “I’ll have to go shopping, I don’t have anything—“</p><p>“Calm down, Ryuu.”  Gaku chuckled and pat his back.  “If you get all stressed, it defeats the point of a night off.”</p><p>Ryuu barely heard him, he was gleefully in planning mode.  “We should bake some cookies to give to the security team to thank them for taking care of us all this time!”</p><p>Tenn sighed.  “That’s kind of inappropriate.  At least save it for a holiday.”</p><p>Ryuu pouted at that.  Then he smiled and ruffled Tenn’s hair.  “Then I’ll make them double chocolate, just for you.”</p><p>“As long as you don’t waste it.  I’ll eat exactly one cookie.”</p><p>Gaku yawned.  It was getting late.  Tenn shrugged Ryuu’s hand away and headed to the door.</p><p>He was exhausted.  Too tired to care about using Ryuu’s shoulder as a pillow so that he could catch just a half an hour of extra sleep on the drive home.</p><p>*** </p><p>The next day, Tenn was home first because his coach’s studio was closer to the apartments.</p><p>As soon as he stepped in, he realized that things were in different spots from where they’d been left.  There had to be a good reason for that, but he was glad for the presence of his body guard.</p><p>“Cleaning was scheduled,” the man said, monotone.  “They’re monitored by staff.”</p><p>Tenn sighed in relief.  “Nice of Anesagi to find a housekeeper for our apartment.”</p><p>The security guy left for the night without saying much else.</p><p>***</p><p>It wasn’t long before he heard Gaku and Ryuu laughing in the walk-up.  They opened the door with smiles on their faces.</p><p>“Welcome home,” Tenn said.</p><p>“It’s good to be home,” Ryuu answered, and sat next to Tenn on the couch.</p><p>Gaku groaned.  “What are you, my charming wife?”</p><p>Tenn smirked.  “Who says you’re not the wife?  Weren’t you about to cook me a delicious meal?”</p><p>Ryuu raised his hand excitedly.  “Thats me!”  He got up from the couch and grabbed an apron on the way to the kitchen.  “I’m cooking dinner.  You two better relax, and I don’t want to hear any complaints.”</p><p>Gaku chuckled as he took Ryuu’s place on the couch next to Tenn.  “Looks like we’ve been benched.”</p><p>“I was suspicious when I came home and found the refrigerator stocked.  He must have snuck out on us at some point.”</p><p>“Well, it’s good to see him in good spirits.  He’s even pushing us around a little.”</p><p>“As he should.”</p><p>Ryuu called to them from the kitchen.  “Chicken or pork?”</p><p>“What is it?” Gaku called back.</p><p>Tenn groaned.  “You’re both so loud, could you stand up and walk over to each other?”</p><p>Ryuu emerged from the kitchen.  “Ha, sorry.”  He pumped his fist.  “I’m going to make katsudon just like at the restaurant!”</p><p>“If it’s katsudon then it has to be pork,” Gaku said.</p><p>“Pork is fine for me, too.”</p><p>“You know; I’ll make chicken too, then we can have extra for lunches.”</p><p>Tenn sighed.  “Why did he ask...”</p><p>“Ha Ha.  He’s really excited.”</p><p>***</p><p>They had a nice meal together.  There wasn’t ever much talking going on when Gaku and Ryuu were hungry.  Tenn didn’t eat so fast, but he appreciated the quiet.</p><p>Soon Gaku and Ryuu had eaten their fill and started conversation while Tenn continued to nibble his food.</p><p>“My voice couch isn’t a slave driver,” Gaku said.  “I’m not allowed to drink, I’m supposed to limit the amount of singing I do in a day down to just an hour, and every time I raise my voice I get put in the corner like a little kid.”</p><p>Tenn snorted at that last bit.</p><p>“Oh, is that funny?”</p><p>“I couldn’t help imagining you sitting in a corner and wearing a dunce cap like in the old cartoons.”</p><p>Ryuu was so used to their banter, he went on like nothing was happening.  “My vocal coach is kind,” he said.  “She wants to help me project.  To be louder, you know?”</p><p>“It makes sense,” Tenn said, pressing a finger to his lip.  “Gaku is already an amazing vocalist, but he needs the discipline.  Ryuu is also amazing, but needs the confidence.  So Anesagi really tailor-picked these instructors for us.”</p><p>Gaku sulked.  “I can’t tell if I was just complimented or insulted.”</p><p>“I think it’s true,” Ryuu said.  “So then, Tenn, what was your coach like?”</p><p>“She said...”.  Tenn clutched his hands to his sides and tried to make his face neutral.  “She said I was trying to hard to be perfect.”</p><p>Gaku looked back at him blankly for a half second, then burst into snickering laughter.  </p><p>“It’s not funny.”</p><p>“It is though.”</p><p>Ryuu hung his head and sighed.  “Gaku, come on, don’t laugh at him.”</p><p>“Why?”  Gaku looked back at Tenn and seemed to realize all at once that he was actually upset about this, in spite of Tenn’s best efforts to hide it.  “What else did she say?”</p><p>Him switching to protective mode only made Tenn more embarrassed. </p><p>“She said,” Tenn went on, clearing his throat.  “That in my efforts to always sing so perfectly, I’m afraid to take risks.   That even the songs written for me at Yaotome Pro were too safe.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have said that exactly.”  Gaku paused to have some water—the only thing he was supposed to drink for a while.  “The songs my dad had commissioned were always safe, because he wouldn’t ever take a risk with our images.  It’s not like you chose those songs yourself.”</p><p>“If that was the only thing holding me back, then why are you and Ryuu so much more advanced in singing than I am?”</p><p>“Uh—“.  He stopped short.  “Come on, that’s not true.  Did she say that?  Or is that what you made up?”</p><p>Tenn huffed.  “She said she wants to see me show off a little, even if my voice cracks.  She wants me to sing with my emotions even if it comes out flat. Because people want to hear my voice, not and not the canned perfection I was before.”</p><p>Gaku went quiet at that, which was an unusual condition for him.</p><p>“Everyone loves Tenn’s unique sound,” Ryuu said, smiling.  “I think it is good!  Not about being the perfect Tenn, but uh...”. It wasn’t often that Ryuu struggled with his words these days, but this was a special situation.  “Being the real Tenn.”</p><p>Despite Ryuu’s awkward wording, Tenn understood what he meant.</p><p>“If you guys say so.”  Gaku got up and stretched.  “Well, it was nice, but maybe we should go to bed early.”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous.”  Tenn had been letting Gaku coddle him quite a bit, but not tonight.  “Let’s watch a movie together.”</p><p>“You’ve been having trouble sleeping.  Shouldn’t you at least try?”</p><p>“I’ll decide when I’m ready to sleep, so put on a movie already.”</p><p>“Fine, damn.”</p><p>He added a harumph and sat back down next to Tenn.  </p><p>Ryuu chuckled.  “You two are so cute sometimes.”</p><p>Both Tenn and Gaku grimaced mutually at that.  </p><p>Ryuu held up a DVD.  “Let’s watch this one.”</p><p>It was a classic movie musical.  Tenn didn’t argue the choice.  He was in the mood for something old and familiar, nothing too cerebral or action packed.  </p><p>The movie started and Ryuu took a seat on Tenn’s other side.  </p><p>Something about the audio on the old movie and the gentle flickering of the TV dissipated the troubling thoughts in his mind.  </p><p>He wasn’t sure when Gaku had moved his arm to the back of the sofa, and he could only vaguely remember laying his head against it, and deciding that it was okay if he closed his eyes.</p><p>He slept until the next morning, whe. He found himself tucked neatly into his own bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Guardian</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They entered the theatre for their first stage rehearsal.  It was a smaller venue than their usual concert halls and stadiums, but the intimacy between the audience and the stage was even more intimidating than thousands of screaming fans.</p>
<p>Tenn’s eyes lit up the moment they entered.  He was restraining himself, but Ryuu did catch him do one full spin with his chin turned up,  taking in the grandeur.</p>
<p>He saw Gaku smiling warmly, not at their surroundings, but at Tenn.  His hand slipped around to the small of a Tenn’s back to keep him from tripping while he took the next step, staring up at the intricate decorations on the ceiling.  Tenn huffed a breath of air at him, but didn’t push his arm away.</p>
<p>Ryuu sighed.  At this rate, their coworkers would start picking up on it before either one of them did.</p>
<p>The two of them had grown over the last few years to the point that they rarely needed Ryuu to step in and mediate.  Sometimes he did it anyway, because he knew they both liked the attention.  Just like his brothers.  They were all good boys, and Ryuu loved them so much.</p>
<p>But this thing between Gaku and Tenn was something new, something that Ryuu didn’t understand. He couldn’t fix it for them, it was something only they could figure out.  </p>
<p>All he could do give them comfortable place to live, keep their bellies full, and protect them. </p>
<p>Still, he clenched his hand against his chest.  Watching them was heartwarming and frustrating all at once.</p>
<p>“Tsunashi-san?  Are you ready to begin?”</p>
<p>He turned to find his vocal coach there.  She was a small and unassuming woman to look at, but there was a bright personality underneath.  “Good morning!  Yes, I am.”</p>
<p>He left Gaku and Tenn, who were still looking around at the grand theatre.  His vocal coach led him behind the stage and then out to the center, in front of all of the empty seats</p>
<p>“I want you to sing your warm ups,” she said.  “And sing so loud and clear that someone in that back seat could hear you.”</p>
<p>“I’m not even mic’d up though?”</p>
<p>“You don’t need to be!”</p>
<p>It was silly to have some kind of stage fright after he’d sung in front of thousands of people at a time before, but the theatre was currently empty except for professionals, and they were all looking at him to see what he’d do, to see if this idol had gotten hired in name alone, or if there was talent there.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You really like this kind of stuff, huh?”</p>
<p>Tenn split his attention for just a moment to acknowledge him.  “I was admiring the artwork.”</p>
<p>“They put a lot of work into the decor, when the focus is supposed to be the stage.”</p>
<p>“It’s part of the atmosphere,” Tenn said, a smugness to his tone.  “The curtains are open now for practice, but when the audience arrives, they are drawn closed, and they wait in anticipation.  These details give the place a sense of awe.”</p>
<p>“Huh.”  Gaku did feel small standing there, even though their regular venues were ten times this size.</p>
<p>“Come sit here,” Tenn said.  He straddled down an isle and sat in one of the chairs.  </p>
<p>Gaku watched him pat the chair beside him and shrugged.  “Guess I have to follow you.”</p>
<p>He sat beside Tenn and his first natural inclination was to look up.  He understood then how different this was from a concert at a stadium.  </p>
<p>He opened his mouth to try and describe the feeling of sitting there, but before he could collect his thoughts, they heard Ryuu’s voice ringing throughout the hall.  Ryuu’s rich and passionate voice reverberated against the ceiling and filled the entire theatre with sound.</p>
<p>He and Tenn looked at each other a moment, then back to the stage where Ryuu was singing his warmups.  Once he’d finished, the two of them applauded.  Soon the rest of the cast and staff was clapping with them.</p>
<p>Ryuu blushed and bowed.  His vocal coach seemed happy with him.</p>
<p>Gaku laughed.  “He’s going to put us both to shame if he keeps going like that.”</p>
<p>“Ryuu is amazingly talented,” Tenn said.  “But I won’t let either of you beat me, even if it means I have to win in my own way.”</p>
<p>Tenn was smirking.  Gaku used to find that smug expression of his annoying, but these days he thought it was kinda cute.  He ruffled Tenn’s hair.  “We are on the same team, remember that.”</p>
<p>It would be typical for Tenn to sass him back, maybe say something playfully snide.  But no, his smirk softened into a smile and he didn’t break his gaze, looking into Gaku’s eyes with an expression that he could almost mistake for affection.</p>
<p>“No comeback?  You’re weirding me out.”</p>
<p>Tenn snapped back to his usual self, folding arms over his chest with a huff.  “You just said—well, never mind.  I have to meet my coach now.”</p>
<p>Gaku watched him stand and walk away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Feels weird to have free time at the end of the day,” Ryuu said, and began to hum to himself as he chopped vegetables for their dinner.</p>
<p>Ryuu couldn’t see Gaku from this angle, but he could hear the groan as he sank into the couch.  “If it means we get plenty of rest after practice, maybe I could get used to this stage star life.”  </p>
<p>He heard Tenn’s voice from about the same proximity.  “You’re done with idol work, huh?”</p>
<p>“Ha, no, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”</p>
<p>Ryuu turned the corner and opened his mouth to announce the dish he’d be making that evening, but stopped short when he saw Tenn sitting so close to Gaku, he thought their shoulders must be touching.</p>
<p>He ducked back into the kitchen and kept cooking without interrupting them.</p>
<p>It wouldn’t be fair to pry, but he was too curious not to listen.</p>
<p>“Retiring into the theatre wouldn’t be so bad,” Gaku went on.  “Not any time soon, but, you know.  No one can fight old age.”</p>
<p>There was a long pause.  Ryuu feared that maybe Tenn would run off at that sort of talk.  </p>
<p>“I used to be afraid of that thought,” Tenn said.  “Getting old.  I am supposed to be a shining idol with a legacy that lasts for eternity.”</p>
<p>Again more silence.  Ryuu was relieved this time, since it meant Gaku was considering his words for once.</p>
<p>“Tenn, I was wondering.  If you could do anything you wanted, would you have rather been a stage star?  Every time I see you there, you look really happy.”</p>
<p>“Ah, well...  I wouldn’t say that.”</p>
<p>Ryuu wondered if he could sneak a peek and see if Tenn was blushing, but he resisted the temptation.</p>
<p>“It isn’t that I prefer musicals to being an idol.  It’s more, I want to do it all.  I want to be an idol, an actor, and perform in musicals.  And maybe more that I haven’t tried yet.”</p>
<p>Gaku laughed the silly sort of high pitched way that he did when he was really happy about something.  “That’s the most <i>you</i>thing you’ve ever said.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t you supposed to be nursing that voice of yours?”  Tenn’s tone was teasing now.  “Maybe you should shut up and stop making yourself laugh.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one making me laugh.”</p>
<p>Ryuu heard a bump and a shout from Tenn and turned the corner again to make sure everything was all right.  It sounded like somebody had fallen.</p>
<p>He found Tenn kicking and laughing.  “Keep your hand to yourself, asshole.”</p>
<p>We’re they really about to have a tickle fight on his sofa?  He couldn’t believe it.  “Dinner’s ready,” he sighed.</p>
<p>Gaku and Tenn dropped whatever it was and came around to the kitchen island as naturally as they ever had.  Ryuu had hoped maybe they’d be a <i>little</i> aware, at least enough to jump apart and pretend like they hadn’t been doing anything.</p>
<p>“Smells great,” Gaku said.  </p>
<p>He sat at the bar while Tenn went to the table, again, like nothing was out of the ordinary.</p>
<p>Ryuu supposed that for them, it wasn’t.  Maybe that was how things should be.</p>
<p>He dressed his own plate and sat with them.  “I’m so happy that the two of you live here now.”</p>
<p>They laughed it off, the both of them exchanging awkward glances.  “Don’t be sappy,” Tenn said.</p>
<p>Gaku added a beleaguered “come <i>on,</i>” like he often did.</p>
<p>Ryuu smiled.  Whatever this was, he was was content to watch it unfold here, in a home he shared with the two of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Hot and Cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tenn woke in the dimly lit living room.  Everyone was gone, and it was quiet except for the faint street noise in the distance.</p>
<p>The clock said 8pm.  They had gotten home early that night.  He must have fallen asleep while Gaku was watching TV.  Those two went out so as not to disturb him.</p>
<p>He huffed a breath.  They were treating him like an infant who needed daytime naps.</p>
<p>That said, the empty apartment was nice in the early evening.  He was more than happy to stay right there.</p>
<p>He’d fallen asleep in the spot Gaku favored.  The cleaning service must not have hit that day, because the armrest there still smelled like him.  It amused him how easily he could recognize it.</p>
<p>Ryuu had a neutral, fresh smell, no cologne or scented shampoo.  Sometimes he’d come home from his runs sweaty, but Tenn didn’t mind it.  It was comforting, if only because Tenn was so used to it.  </p>
<p>Gaku never smelled bad or anything, but he did complain about sweating a lot.  The strong scents he wore were likely a reflection of his self consciousness on that matter.  That in itself was kind of cute.  Tenn smirked as he nuzzled into the armrest.</p>
<p>Men’s cologne wasn’t his favorite, but it’s amalgamation of smoke and herbals suited Gaku somehow.  </p>
<p>Tenn wondered what scent the others associated with him.  Following that thought was a second one that he didn’t ask for.  What scent would Gaku like?  What scent would make Gaku linger near him?</p>
<p>He dashed it as soon as it came.  What a pathetic and useless thing to think about.</p>
<p>He picked himself up from the sofa and went back to his room to sleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was their last day off for a while.  The show was going into full length rehearsals soon, and while that was their one and only focus, it was going to take more than enough hours out of every day to fill their schedule.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should do something,” Gaku said.  “Something other than sit on the couch?”</p>
<p>Ryuu laughed softly.  “What else could make you more happy than relaxing at home?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Tenn was reading a book.  He looked up from the page.  “I don’t mind it if the two of you want to go bar hopping.  Maybe you could meet up with Nikaido and Izumi.”</p>
<p>Gaku hadn’t seen those guys in a long time, but the prospect wasn’t all that appealing.  They wouldn’t be able to take the minors, and that included Tenn.     “My coach says no drinking, remember?”  </p>
<p>“Oh, right.”</p>
<p>Ryuu had been in the kitchen again, and came to stand over Tenn’s shoulder.  “What if the two of you went out?”</p>
<p>“Us two?  Why wouldn’t we take you?”</p>
<p>“Ah, well—“  Ryuu rubbed at the back of his head.  “I’m baking something for later, it’ll take a couple hours, and I should stay here so that it doesn’t burn.”</p>
<p>“Come on, Ryuu.  You’re in the kitchen more than a housewife these days.”</p>
<p>“I like it,” he said.  “That’s what I like to do most when I’m off work, don’t worry about it at all.”</p>
<p>Tenn closed his book and set it aside.  “I suppose I should chaperone Gaku, and make sure he’s following his vocal instructions.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who suggested I go drink in the first place.”</p>
<p>Tenn ignored him.  “Hm, so, what is there to do?”</p>
<p>“Want to go to the soba shop?”</p>
<p>Tenn have him a pitiful look with his bottom lip puffed out.  “The second we walk in, your mother will put you to work.”</p>
<p>“That’s true.”</p>
<p>Ryuu left them and returned to the kitchen.  Gaku moved in and sat down next to Tenn.  “A movie?”</p>
<p>“We always watch movies.”</p>
<p>“Well, what do you want to do?”</p>
<p>“I like the idea of a nice dinner, just not at Yamamura Soba, please.”</p>
<p>“Okay, how about ramen?”</p>
<p>He smiled.  “Sounds good.”</p>
<p>“All right.”  Gaku stood up again and poked his head into the kitchen to find Ryuu fussing over a pie crust.  “You want takeout?”</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine, just have fun, okay?”  He smiled.</p>
<p>Gaku narrowed his eyes.  This was all kind of suspicious.  “What kind of pie is that going to be?”</p>
<p>“Strawberry preserves with mint and sage.  But it won’t be done for a few hours.”</p>
<p>“Ok, after dinner, then.”</p>
<p>Ryuu nodded and chuckled to himself.  Gaku let him be.</p>
<p>A moment later, Tenn joined him at the front door.  He was wearing some loose shorts with sandals, and a big floppy shirt.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Gaku snapped to attention.  “What do you mean, what?”</p>
<p>“You were giving me a weird look.”</p>
<p>“Haven’t seen you in shorts in a while, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“The heat came early this year.  What’s your problem?”</p>
<p>Gaku didn’t have a problem other than Tenn’s legs and how distracting they could be.  “I’m not—let’s just go, okay?”</p>
<p>“After you.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was pleasant that afternoon.  The ramen place was only a kilometer or so away, so they decided to walk it.  </p>
<p>Sunny weather that gave them an excuse to wear sunglasses was always nice.  Tenn had that dorky blue cap of his on.  </p>
<p>“Don’t you have any other hats?”</p>
<p>He turned his nose up, haughty.  “Why don’t you buy me one?”</p>
<p>“Pfft, like you’d wear it if I did.”</p>
<p>The crowd wasn’t too bad that day.  Tenn walked side by side with him.</p>
<p>Gaku realized how natural it would feel to take Tenn’s hand about now.  That was ridiculous, though.  He’d walked around with Tenn like this before and never had that thought.  But, if he was walking with a girl he liked, this felt like the kind of moment when he’d make that kind of move.</p>
<p>But it was Tenn, and even if he thought he had any chance with Tenn, he’d never risk something like that in public.  It was just one of those weird intrusive thoughts.  He tried to forget about it.</p>
<p>They came to a stop at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change.</p>
<p>A group of three young men walked up beside them to wait for the light.  Gaku didn’t turn his head, but he looked at them from behind his shades.  One tapped the other and gestured to Tenn.  He couldn’t overhear what they were saying, but there was an intent in their eyes that Gaku didn’t like.</p>
<p>He took Tenn by the hand and pulled him across the street on the side of the walkway that was lit green.  “Come on.”</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with you?”  Tenn snapped and pulled his hand back.  “The place is that way.”  </p>
<p>“No time to explain.”</p>
<p>Tenn followed Gaku to the other side of the road.  Once they were out of the street, he stopped, demanding an explanation.</p>
<p>Gaku groaned.  “Those guys were acting weird, okay?  One of them was staring at you.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”  Tenn chuckled in a sardonic tone.  “He must have thought I was a girl.  It happens.”</p>
<p>“Thought you—the hell?”</p>
<p>Tenn shrugged.  “I’m kind of tall for a girl, I thought.  But it happens.”</p>
<p>“You are kinda shapely in that get up.”</p>
<p>Tenn pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.  That didn’t help him look less cute, although Gaku had enough feet in his mouth already to stop himself from saying that aloud.</p>
<p>“We can walk around the long way,” Gaku said.  “Even if they aren’t goons from Tsukumo or anything like that, they could still be annoying, and it’s a nice day anyway.”</p>
<p>Tenn smirked.  “Or, you could defend my honor.”</p>
<p>“Do what now?”</p>
<p>“You’re a big, scary guy.  Just stand close to me and glare at them.  They’ll turn their eyes somewhere else.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, no.”</p>
<p>Tenn giggled and snickered.  Gaku was glad somebody was having a good time, at least.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p><i>Shapely,</i> he thought to himself.  What was that supposed to mean?  Gaku’s bluntness had reached a new high score.</p>
<p>More frustrating, Tenn knew he should be mad about it, but he wasn’t.  Again, there was a little thought that Tenn didn’t ask for or like at all, and it was asking: did Gaku notice his body?  Are these the kind of clothes that Gaku likes?</p>
<p>He slurped his noodles and pondered how disgusted he should be with himself, but wasn’t.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They were sitting side by side at the bar of the ramen shop.  It was a modern design made of clear glass.  Gaku preferred more traditional decor, but that was farthest from his mind.  </p>
<p>Tenn had his legs folded neatly under the transparent bar.  Smooth and subtly brighter pink at the knee, like a blush rose.  A little squish where they slotted together.  There might be more than just lean muscle and bone there after all.  </p>
<p>“You can’t have any,” Tenn said.</p>
<p>Gaku snapped his eyes away, panicked.  </p>
<p>“If you wanted extra pork belly, you should have ordered it.”</p>
<p>Tenn gestured to his bowl.  That definitely wasn’t what he had been salivating about, but it was a close enough call to make him realize that he’d  been ogling like a creepy weirdo.  </p>
<p>He cleared his throat and raised his hand for the waiter.  “I’ll just order more.”</p>
<p>“While you’re at it, I know that Ryuu said he didn’t want take out, but I think I’ll order him a snack for later.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, just remember, he’s going to stuff us full of pie when we get back.”</p>
<p>Tenn sighed.  “Of course.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The sun was setting behind them on their way back to the apartment building.  A cool wind blew through the streets.  Tenn put his sunglasses away, and took off his hat.  It was worth the risk of being spotted if he could feel the breeze in his hair for just a moment.</p>
<p>Gaku was looking at him again.</p>
<p>Gaku’s pale skin and hair had a way of absorbing the light around him.  He was glowing with the pink and orange hues of the sunset.  With a gentle smile on his face, it was easy to see why he had been named Japan’s most attractive man.  </p>
<p>That was another thought that Tenn didn’t ask for.</p>
<p>They approached their building.  Just as they arrived the entrance, Gaku stopped.  His chest expanded as he filled it with fresh air.  He let it out with a loud “ahh.”</p>
<p>Tenn snorted a puff of breath.  “You’re ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“You just don’t know how to enjoy the little things.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you think so?”</p>
<p>“Ryuu was right, a walk outside was just what I needed.”</p>
<p>“I enjoyed it too, but I don’t feel the need to stand around outside making caveman noises.”</p>
<p>“Come on, take a big breath.  It’s good for your lungs.”</p>
<p>“I’m not doing it.”</p>
<p>“Ha, no fun.”</p>
<p>He brushed past Tenn and through the lobby door.  Tenn lingered a moment, considering the sunset.  A rare, quiet moment.</p>
<p>“Hey, you coming?”   Tenn looked up from his daze to find Gaku calling to him from the lobby door.  “Come on.  You shouldn’t walk up by yourself.”</p>
<p>He smiled at the last bit of fading sun, and stepped through.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Ocean Sound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another week passed that felt like forever, but at the same time like a blink.</p><p>When Tenn thought about the last time he had danced, it shocked him. To go weeks without even a practice was unheard of.  He’d been practicing dance daily since he was 12.</p><p>This musical didn’t have dance numbers, the choreography was all positioning and fighting.  Fortunately thanks to all that he wasn’t going to get out of shape, but it felt wrong somehow not to dance.</p><p>And yet, as the time moved on, he realized they had less than 3 weeks left before the opening day.  So little time.</p><p>Today there were costume fittings.  The tech rehearsals began.  </p><p>“How is it?” Gaku asked.</p><p>Tenn smiled.  He was dressed in a traditional haori, all neutral colors.  “Suits you.”</p><p>“I’d hate to put them out, but I really wish it wasn’t grey.  The design notes showed it being more dark red.”</p><p>“Worried about your paleness?”  It was amusing how much Gaku worried about that.</p><p>“No.  Well, okay, maybe a little bit.”</p><p>“A lighter color will read better against these particular set designs, I think.  And, besides, we should take it as a compliment.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“At first, the show runners were hesitant to lean into us as Trigger,” Tenn said.  “We had to prove that we were worthy in our own rights.  But it seems that each of us got a bit of our unit colors in our costumes in the redesign.”  Tenn tapped a sash that went around his belt that happened to be a soft pink color.</p><p>“So, they want to remind people that we are Trigger after all?”</p><p>“I hope so.”  </p><p>Tenn had been putting his contacts in.  When he turned, Gaku jumped a step back.  “Your eyes—“</p><p>“Don’t be an idiot.”  Tenn sighed.  “They’re costume lenses.  My character is blind.”</p><p>“Can you see?”</p><p>“It’s a mesh.  Like wearing a veil.  My vision isn’t the greatest, but it’ll be fine.”</p><p>“What a weird detail for a stage show.  Can the audience even see it?”</p><p>“The front row certainly can, and their seats are highly prized.”</p><p>“As long as you can see, I guess...”</p><p>“I’m off to makeup, now.”</p><p>“All right.  Before you go, though.”</p><p>Tenn stopped at the door.  </p><p>“Did you sleep well?  Anesagi said you went to the doctor.”</p><p>“Yeah, the doctor gave me some sedatives, but I’d rather not use them if I can help it.  They’re too strong.”</p><p>“I see.  I was thinking...”</p><p>Tenn didn’t know Gaku as the type to hold back words.  He got the feeling he didn’t want to hear what he was going to say next.</p><p>“Have you considered a therapist?  If it’s not something physical, then...”</p><p>“You don’t have to be so tender about it.”  Tenn sighed.  “Yes, I have thought of that.  But there’s no time.  We practice 6 days a week, and clinics are closed on our off day.”</p><p>Gaku didn’t seem satisfied by that.  Tenn supposed it was a poor excuse.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>He wasn’t going to push it.  That surprised him.  “I do feel better, though.  It’s been raining a lot.  I think the sound of it helps.”</p><p>“Yeah?  Huh...”</p><p>Tenn could see gears moving in Gaku’s head but he would be late if he waited any longer.  “Later.”</p><p>“Later, Tenn.”</p><p>***</p><p>That evening, Tenn had eaten and finished his shower, and Gaku still hadn’t returned.</p><p>He stepped into the living room in his pajamas with a towel over his shoulders, hair still damp.  “Shouldn’t he be home by now?  I know they were having trouble with his scene, but this is ridiculous.”</p><p>Ryuu was watching a drama.  “I’ll wait up for him.  You can go to bed, Tenn.”</p><p>Tenn found his response suspiciously unfazed.  “Do you know where he is?”</p><p>“He said he had a little shopping to do, that’s all.”</p><p>“Shopping, on a night before work?  He couldn’t send Anesagi, or one of her assistants?”</p><p>“He didn’t say.  But I’ll wait for him.  Unless there’s some reason you need to see him tonight?”</p><p>Tenn huffed.  He didn’t like whatever Ryuu was implying. “Fine, I’ll go to bed.”</p><p>***</p><p>He’d been laying in bed sleepless for maybe twenty minutes.</p><p>What Gaku said wasn’t wrong.  A therapist might do him better than a drug.  When he tried to sleep, he just couldn’t settle, even though his body was tired and his mind couldn’t stay on one thought.  </p><p>Tenn had no love of hospitals or clinics, but therapists were particularly uncomfortable.  </p><p>What if they said this was all because of his job?  He wouldn’t give up.  If someone told him to stop, he wouldn’t.  Even after he’d tried to stop Riku so many times.</p><p>Riku was still an idol, above it all.  And - little sleeplessness was nothing compared to his affliction.</p><p>There was a light tap on his door.  “Tenn, you awake?”</p><p>Tenn sat up and turned his light on.  “Yeah.  Come in.”</p><p>Gaku opened the door.  He had a shopping bag hanging from one arm.  “Did I wake you?”</p><p>“If you did, I would be pretty angry right now.”</p><p>Gaku forced a laugh.  “Right.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>Gaku pulled an item out of the bag and started to unwrap it.  “Got some stuff for you.”</p><p>Tenn grumbled.  Gaku shouldn’t have been put by himself on a work night, much less buying some kind of presents for him.</p><p>Once he had removed it from the cardboard box it came in, Tenn could see that it was one of those decorative night lights that emitted patterns onto the wall.</p><p>Gaku fumbled behind his nightstand to plug it in.  Tenn didn’t appreciate all this noise and activity while he was trying to sleep, but Gaku was determined.</p><p>Soon the light was working.  Gaku flipped through the settings.  He went through patterns of stars and galaxies.  There was one style that made the ceiling look like water, as if the occupants of the room were deep under the sea. “That’ll work.”</p><p>Tenn let out an exasperated sigh.  “You know, the problem isn’t that I’m afraid of the dark.”</p><p>“Wait, don’t judge yet.”</p><p>He pulled out another item.  A set of headphones with plush ear cuffs for sleeping with.  He raised them up and slid them onto Tenn’s ears.</p><p>Tenn could hear ocean sounds.  </p><p>“Synced up to this MP3 player with a bunch of ambient noise,” Gaku said.  “How is it?  If you don’t like the waves, there’s a rain one and a bunch of others.”</p><p>The sound of gentle ocean waves filled his ears.  The soft light played on Gaku’s features.  He could almost imagine them together by the ocean at night.  What a dumb, sweet, man.  </p><p>“Thank you,” Tenn said.</p><p>“So, you like it?”</p><p>He was smiling brightly, and he looked so relieved. Tenn felt his heart wrench.  He wanted nothing more than to pull Gaku down with him into the soft mattress, and hold him tight.  He wanted to fall asleep in his arms.  That much, he couldn’t ignore any longer.  He wished the two of them were alone at the bottom of the ocean.</p><p>“I’ll see if it helps,” he said.  </p><p>Gaku clapped a hand on his knee.  “At least give it a shot.”</p><p>Tenn nodded.</p><p>Gaku stood and left him alone in his room, but at least the soothing sounds would help him forget about that long enough to fall asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Opening night was sneaking up on them.  There were only a few days left before Crescent Wolf had its debut show.</p><p>Their rehearsals were as tight and well-produced as the real thing.  The only difference was the lack of an audience.</p><p>Except for two guests who had been given special privileges that night.  One had a familiar face, Yamato Nikaido. With him was Chiba Shizuo, the original star of the show.</p><p>After the rehearsal wrapped, Gaku greeted the two of them in his dressing room.</p><p>“The starring role comes with its own room, huh?”  Yamato looked around like he’d never seen one, despite starring in dramas on occasion.  He’d probably had whole trailers to himself.</p><p>“I offered to share with Tenn, but he declined.”</p><p>“Sounds like him.”</p><p>“So, Shizuo-san, I hope you don’t mind my performance.”</p><p>“My opinion doesn’t really matter,” he said, in that tired-old-man kind of way.  “But, for my part, I think it’s a phenomenal work.  Being so familiar worth these characters as they were, I think it’s interesting to see where different actors can take them.  I never gave any thought to this character as a singer, but you did it marvelously.”</p><p>“And it’s good that you don’t look like him,” Yamato sighed.  “That would get weird fast.”</p><p>Shizuo laughed.  “If they wanted to cast a look-alike, they could have hired you.”</p><p>“Yeah, no thanks.”</p><p>Gaku wasn’t any stranger to father-son tension, but the thing with Nikaido and Shizuo was beyond even his understanding.  “This may be a different Crescent Wolf, but I’m still relieved to have your blessing.”</p><p>“Well, you have it.  If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find the writer and director, and give them compliments as well.”</p><p>Yamato waited for him to leave, and heaved an exasperated sigh.  “Want to go drinking after this?  It’s on me.”</p><p>“Can’t.  My voice coach is a demon.”</p><p>“Ouch.  I guess I’ll go back and grab Mistu.  We can drink your share in your honor.”</p><p>“Give him my regards.  And let Anesagi know if any of your group wants tickets.”</p><p>“I know Sogo and Riku will for sure, and the others would probably enjoy it, too. But let me send them in pairs so that the entire group of seven guys and our manager aren’t taking up all of your seating.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“It’s a good show, Yaotome.  The three of you are going to be big in the musical world after this.”</p><p>“I hope so.”  He sighed.  “I like it here.”</p><p>“Good.  Please give me a call when you’re ready to take me up on that drink.”</p><p>“Tenn turns 20 soon, so maybe then.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t remind me.  They grow up so fast.”</p><p>“Right, that means Riku, too.”</p><p>“Double trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>That evening, Ryuu was in the kitchen yet again.  He had flour, sugar, eggs, and an array of other baking products.</p><p>Gaku looked at the mess in dismay.  “You’re really making cookies?”</p><p>“Only a few days left!  I’m baking to thank and all of our coworkers and staff, and security, too.”</p><p>It was only 8pm, they had gotten home a bit early that night.  Tenn sat behind him at the kitchen table, reading.  The bags under his eyes were gone.</p><p>“Sleeping better?” Gaku asked.</p><p>“Somewhat,” Tenn said.  “Those headphones helped.”</p><p>“Great.”  Of there was any relief Gaku could give him, he’d be happy to go to the ends of the earth a thousand times over.  Of course, saying such a dramatic thing would only annoy Tenn.</p><p>Ryuu’s phone started ringing while he was whipping the eggs.</p><p>“I’ll get it for you,” Gaku said.</p><p>“Thanks!”</p><p>When he picked it up, it was Anesagi, and she sounded frantic.  “I am on my way there and I need to speak to Ryuu.”</p><p>“He’s covered in flour right now, can I tell him for you?”</p><p>“Never mind, I’m already on the elevator!”</p><p>She hung up on him.  </p><p>Soon, Anesagi burst into their apartment.  She had her own key, and didn’t bother knocking.</p><p>“Um, hi?”  She ignored him, obviously on a mission.</p><p>Ryuu had hardly managed to rinse his hands off.  He was still wearing an apron.  “What happened?”</p><p>“You need to get cleaned up and put on a nice photo op outfit,” she said.  “No, never mind, I’ll go pick one from your closet while you’re in the bathroom.”</p><p>“Right now?”</p><p>“Yes, I got a call from the CEO of Thunder Dry.  He is hosting a huge party tonight and the entertainment cancelled.”</p><p>“Thunder Dry...”. His eyes lit up.  They all knew it hurt his pride to lose that brand.</p><p>“I know it’s a private event.  I told them Trigger doesn’t do birthday parties, of course. But they said they’d really love it if you could sing a solo, Ryuu, and they’d owe us a massive favor.”</p><p>“Just one song?  That’s not much.”</p><p>“I’m glad you agree, so hurry!”</p><p>Gaku and Tenn were left behind in a whirlwind of preparation as Ryuu was transformed from a sweet country boy baking cookies in an apron to a sexy celebrity.</p><p>“B-but they’re almost ready to go into the oven!”</p><p>Anesagi was firm.  “If you get even a smudge of flour on that suit, I will scream.”</p><p>“Y-yes ma’am.”</p><p>“Ryuu,” Tenn said.  “Just go.  It’s a good opportunity, and I think Gaku and I can handle a batch of cookies.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>Gaku laughed.  “Of course, just go!”</p><p>They were quickly gone, leaving Gaku and Tenn in abrupt silence.</p><p>They looked at each other.</p><p>“Do you know the recipe?”</p><p>Tenn scoffed.  “You don’t know how to make cookies?”</p><p>“I’m not into sweets.”</p><p>Tenn grabbed the apron from the peg on the wall where Ryuu left it hanging and tied it around himself.  It was much longer on him, very cute.  “I’ll show you.”</p><p>Gaku didn’t care much one way or the other how cookies were made, but it was an excuse to watch Tenn do something unintentionally adorable, so he pretended to.  </p><p>“Looks like he was just about to combine the wet and dry,” Tenn said, observing the two bowls.  “Here.  You don’t need the mixer for this part, just the big spoon.”</p><p>Gaku handed him the utensil.  “I can do it if you’re tired.”</p><p>“I told you, I’m sleeping a lot better.”</p><p>“Okay.  Then I’m glad.  Really.”</p><p>“I told  you not to worry.”</p><p>“Heh.”  Gaku snaked an arm around him and ticked his side.   </p><p>Tenn flinched and let out a shrill yelp l, sloshing the mixture he was stirring in the his arms.  “Gaku!”</p><p>Gaku snickered and held Tenn steady.  “Yeah, looks like you have plenty of energy.”</p><p>Tenn flicked the end of the spoon at him, spattering his shirt with flour.</p><p>“Hey!”  He feigned annoyance, but if it gave Tenn an excuse to laugh, he didn’t mind.  </p><p>Tenn scraped a bit of the dough out onto his finger and tasted it.  “Needs chocolate.  Hand me that.”</p><p>Gaku didn’t realize Tenn was pointing.  He was watching him lick his finger, and hadn’t noticed what the other hand was doing.</p><p>“Gaku.”</p><p>“Right!”  Gaku turned and found the bag of chocolate chips.  “Pour the whole thing?”</p><p>“I’d say so.”</p><p>“You’re a chocoholic, though.”</p><p>“What’s the point of chocolate chip cookies if you skimp on the chocolate chips?”</p><p>“Okay, fair.”</p><p>He poured the contents of the bag into the bowl Tenn held.  </p><p>“Now, we fold it gently.  Don’t want to stir too much at this point.”</p><p>The way Tenn moved was controlled and graceful as always.  He turned the batter over itself until it was a fluffy, sticky, goop.  </p><p>“Help me drop them onto the sheet.”</p><p>“Huh?  Oh.”  He grabbed another spoon and assisted with the formation of the lumps that would soon be cookies.</p><p>Finally, Tenn slid the pan into the oven.  But not without tasting the batter one more time, first.</p><p>“All done.”</p><p>Tenn was standing there with the apron and big oven mitts still on his hands.  Gaku wished he could take a picture, and save it forever.</p><p>***</p><p>Gaku had been giving him a strange look all evening.  Distant and dreamy.  Even though Tenn kept trying to show him how to do one thing, or help with another, he kept staring at him with those half lidded eyes.</p><p>At first he wondered if Gaku had contracted the sleeping disorder that he had been struggling with up until now.  Or, maybe the visit from Chiba Shizuo had left him distracted.  That didn’t seem like him.</p><p>“What is that smell on you?”  Gaku leaned in to get a whiff of Tenn’s neck.  </p><p>Tenn had started wearing a particular cologne, with the silly day dream still in his head of Gaku noticing it and leaning close to him just like this, but with it actually happening, he was terrified.  “It... It’s just vanilla from the batter.”</p><p>“Is that it?  It doesn’t smell like cookies.”  He put a hand on Tenn’s shoulder and nuzzled his head.  “Smells good though.”</p><p>He pulled back far enough to look at Tenn with that same adoring expression that had been driving him mad all night.  He didn’t take his hand back.</p><p>Tenn saw Gaku’s eyeline drift down to his mouth.  He touched his chin as if to ask permission, and his face was so close that Tenn could feel his breath.</p><p>The voice he’d been ignoring was too loud.  His heart was beating in his ears.  If this was happening, Tenn wanted to let it happen.  </p><p>He closed his eyes and lifted his chin to meet Gaku’s lips.  </p><p>They connected.  His heart fluttered in his chest as the warmth and taste of Gaku affirmed that he was not dreaming, this was real.</p><p>Then it sank.  Gaku was not kissing him back.  He froze up at Tenn’s touch and remained standing still with his eyes open.</p><p>Tenn tore away.  </p><p>Gaku looked back at him, eyes wide and blank. “Tenn... You had a smudge on your chin, I was just—“</p><p>Tenn opened his mouth but there was no explanation that would come out.  </p><p>Stupid.  </p><p>These feelings were only his.  His own delusional, perverted feelings. How could they perform if Gaku knew?  How could they go on living together?  </p><p>Everything was broken now, and it was his fault.  </p><p>A hand fell heavy on his shoulder.  Gaku pulled him close and kissed him again.</p><p>This time he pressed against him with his eyes closed, their mouths mashed so firmly together that Tenn couldn’t breathe.  </p><p>He couldn’t think to, either way.  It was everything.  Every unspoken desire in his heart was answered by Gaku’s mouth and the arms wrapped around him.</p><p>It felt so good.  Things weren’t supposed to feel that good.  He wanted more.  He wanted to melt.  But guilt crept in.  This couldn’t be, this wasn’t something he was allowed to have.  Even if Gaku wanted it, too.</p><p>He pushed away.</p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>Gaku obeyed, but kept his arms locked around him.  He brushed away the stray strands of hair stuck to Tenn’s cheek.  His voice was a whisper.  “You kissed me first.”</p><p>“I thought you wanted to.”</p><p>“Just because I wasn’t trying to, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to.”</p><p>Tenn pushed harder, and Gaku released him.  The look on his face was pained.   Awful.  Tenn felt like someone was squeezing his heart.  “This is a mistake.”</p><p>“I have feelings for you.  I have for a while.”</p><p>The words spilling from Gaku’s mouth were like glass that kept on falling after something was shattered.  Tenn needed it to stop.  </p><p>“That doesn’t matter.”</p><p>Gaku’s face went red, and not from the heat of the moment.  That was the wrong thing to say.  “You can tell me you don’t feel the same, but don’t tell me that it doesn’t <i>matter</i>.”</p><p>“I—“  Tenn’s mind scrambled for any excuse, any lie Gaku might believe that would stop this where it was, that might put back together what he’d carelessly broken into a million pieces.  “I only did it because I thought you wanted me to.  But you didn’t, I was mistaken. It was a mistake.  We can forget it ever happened.”</p><p>Gaku stood rigid and looking at him for a moment, his eyes reddening and his fists clenching into balls.</p><p>“I have to go,” he said, and turned.  “I can’t be here right now.  I need to go.”  </p><p>He left the kitchen and went for the front door.</p><p>Broken.  He broke it.  Gaku was leaving.</p><p>“Wait!”  Tenn shot after Gaku as he put on his shoes and his coat.  “You don’t have to leave.”</p><p>“Pretty sure I do,” he said, and kept averting his eyes.  In all of their arguments, Gaku had never refused to look at him like that.  When he spoke, his voice was ragged.  “If I stay I’m going to fight with you again, and Ryuu’s not here.”</p><p>“So fight with me, yell at me, I don’t care about that!”</p><p>Gaku gave one look back at him and opened the door.  His eyes were wet.  “I can’t do that anymore.”</p><p>Tenn kept willing his body to do something, say something, but it wouldn’t move.  He watched the door shut.  Silence fell over the apartment in Gaku’s absence.  The hum of the air conditioner became deafening.</p><p>His heart was racing. The sequence of events that had just unfolded kept playing back.  He could still feel the warmth of Gaku on his lips.</p><p>He threw the door open.</p><p>***</p><p>He’d been stunned long enough for Gaku to get on the elevator and close the door, but it was only 3 floors.  If he ran fast enough...</p><p>He hit the stairway door’s crash bar with a clatter, his bare feet slapped the stairs.  He cleared three at the end of the set in one leap.</p><p>Tenn flew through the lobby’s stairway door just in time to see Gaku leaving through the exit to the parking lot where he kept his car.  </p><p>A security guard shouted something at him as he ran, but he didn’t stop.</p><p>It was raining outside.  Gaku had the hood of his jacket up. </p><p>“Please don’t go!”</p><p>Tenn ran out into the lot.  The rain was atk heavy, it soaked him through in a matter of seconds.  The wet concrete stung his feet as he splashed with each step.</p><p>Gaku halted and turned so that a sliver of him was visible under his hood in the street lights.  He saw Tenn standing behind him in the rain, doubled over, gasping for breath.  Still wearing the apron.  </p><p>“I’m not going forever,” he said.  “Just to my mom’s for a night.  I’ll be at rehearsals.  Go back inside, for fuck’s sake.”</p><p>“I lied!”  Tenn had to shout to make his voice carry over the droplets of rain hitting the concrete all around them.  “I did it because I wanted to! So if it breaks it’ll be my fault, and I couldn’t deal with the thought of that.”</p><p>Gaku sighed and took a step back toward him.  “How do I know you’re not just lying now?  That’s the whole problem, you’ll say whatever you think I want to hear.  You’ll do whatever you think I want you to do.  You and I can’t...”</p><p>He trailed off, looking around to see if anyone was watching.  The security guard followed Tenn and was standing back at the lobby entrance watching them.  He lowered his voice.  “We can’t be <i>anything</i> if it’s going to be the same old story every time.”</p><p>“That isn’t it at all, I just—I don’t know how to do things any other way.  But I will listen this time, I promise, just—just come back, okay?”</p><p>Gaku turned in the direction of his car.  Tenn wondered if seeing him like this was too pathetic for him to bear.</p><p>“Sorry.  I need some time.”</p><p>He began to walk away.</p><p>Tenn lurched forward, intent to follow him, to stand in front of his car if he had to.  He had to fix this.</p><p>A sharp pain shot up from his foot.  He cried out and hissed at it.</p><p>Gaku snapped back and saw him limping.  Tenn tried to hide it.  He felt stupid enough as it was.  But Gaku came running.  </p><p>Tenn’s foot was bleeding.  He’d tripped and scraped against a jagged piece of the asphalt.  It stung.  He didn’t know how bad it was.</p><p>Just like that, Gaku’s arm was around him again.  </p><p>“Idiot, why’d you run down here barefoot?”  He unbuttoned his coat and held half of it up to shield Tenn’s head from the rain.</p><p>“I had to stop you.”</p><p>“Did you even think about how bad it would be if you hurt yourself?  Not even at a live, but in our damn parking lot?  What if you couldn’t do the show?”</p><p>“I wasn’t thinking,” Tenn said, gritting his teeth in pain.  “I know, it was dumb.  When it comes to you, my brain is uniquely impaired.  That’s what you do to me.”</p><p>Gaku cracked a smile at that.  He sighed.  “Well, I can’t take a look at it out here in the rain.”  He pulled Tenn’s arm over his shoulder to help him walk.</p><p>Tenn accepted it with humility.  As much as he’d screwed up already, he couldn’t complain.  His pride was a small thing to pay of it would keep Gaku there with him.</p><p>***</p><p>When they got back to the apartment, Tenn was deposited on the couch with a thud.</p><p>“Don’t get up.”</p><p>“Then don’t try to leave again.”</p><p>Gaku groaned as he rummaged through their cabinets.  “I’ll stay here for now, but don’t go thinking you fixed everything by hurting yourself.”</p><p>Tenn had to sit and take that because he couldn’t argue against it.  It wasn’t as if he ran outside barefoot like that on purpose, but considering his past record with personal relationships, that was his modus operandi.</p><p>“Yeah, I messed up.  You can yell at me all night if you want.”</p><p>Gaku came back to the couch carrying a first aid kit and sat down at the opposite end.  He lifted Tenn’s foot into his lap.  “What part of ‘I don’t want to fight with you’ are you not understanding?”</p><p>Tenn blinked back at him.  The truth was, he really didn’t understand.  He turned his nose up in a weak attempt to maintain his dignity.  “Fighting isn’t great, but leaving is worse.”</p><p>Gaku started cleaning his foot with a washcloth.  It tickled.  He struggled to keep a straight face.</p><p>“I need <i>time</i> to figure out what I want to say to you.  Otherwise I just blurt out whatever comes first, and it ends badly.”</p><p>“Staying here but just not talking is an option.  You can exist and not be talking, didn’t you know?”</p><p>“And you can tell people how you feel.”</p><p>He grunted as if the words had punched him in the gut.  </p><p>“I just...”  Tenn winced as Gaku went in with a cotton tip and rubbing alcohol to remove all the bits of dirt from the cut.  “I can’t let anything happen to Trigger.”</p><p>“I get that.”  </p><p>Silence fell between them, but the tension had been relieved with those words, alone.  </p><p>Gaku continued to apply a disinfectant gel to the wound.  Tenn didn’t want to look at it, he had been so stupid, but he was lucky it wasn’t any deeper or he’d be in the emergency room waiting for stitches, having to explain this whole situation to a bunch of nurses right now.</p><p>Gaku was both gentle and thorough with the job.  His hands were warm, and Tenn remembered how much he’d liked  the feel of that warmth in his kiss.</p><p>He covered his face.  After everything he’d done all wrong, he couldn’t stop thinking about that.  There was no way to nip this in the bud.  It had already grown deep inside him.  </p><p>The feel of something more than hands against his foot snapped him back to attention.  Warm wet breath.  He looked down to find Gaku planting a kiss against the bottom of his foot and seized up, hot all over.</p><p>Gaku looked up at him with the most shit-eating smirk he’d ever seen. “So you are into me.”</p><p>“What the hell are you doing?”  Tenn whipped his freshly bandaged foot away.  His heart was pounding.  Gaku was lucky he didn’t get kicked in the face.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure I could trust your words,” Gaku said, all smug and confident.  Really annoying.  “But that’s a genuine reaction if I’ve ever seen one.”</p><p>“Gross.”</p><p>“I told you how I feel.  So how about it?”</p><p>Tenn hated this feeling.  It was a stubborn part of him.  But the idea that Gaku couldn’t trust him to speak the truth hurt, too.  None of the exits were clean.</p><p>“Take a minute, it’s okay.”</p><p>Tenn huffed at that. “I know.  I am.”</p><p>“Ha.  Okay.”</p><p>“I can’t just say things heart-to-mouth like you.”  Tenn pulled his legs close to his chest and hugged his knees.  </p><p>Gaku watched him from the other side of the couch without advancing on his space.  Tenn appreciated that, but he also felt a tugging in his heart, wishing Gaku would hold him.  It was so frustrating the way his thoughts ran in so many directions. Gaku had this affect on him.</p><p>“Just tell me what you really want, Tenn.  It’s okay.  You can be selfish.”</p><p>“I...”. Since thinking hadn’t done much for him until now, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.  “I want to sleep with you.”</p><p>Gaku blinked at him and cleared his throat.  “Wow, that’s kinda, uh... forward of you.”  His face turned red.</p><p>“Not like that.”  Tenn groaned and took a deep breath.  “It’s so stupid, I haven’t shared a room since I was little and growing up with Riku.  But those nights I fell asleep on your shoulder, I slept so well.  I’ve been wishing I could do that again, but I couldn’t ask for it.”</p><p>Gaku processed that for a moment.  “Why didn’t you go to Ryuu?  You could sleep in his bed any time and he would be happy about it.”</p><p>Tenn tried to hide his face behind his knees.  “I want it to be you.”</p><p>Gaku’s expression softened at that.  Tenn expected him to laugh or tease him,  but all he did was smile and inch close enough to put a hand on his knee.</p><p>“Well then. Let’s go to bed.  Only in the most literal sense, I promise.”</p><p>Tenn looked up, blinking.  “Uh... aren’t we fighting?”</p><p>“You know, I’m shocked too, but I think we managed to talk without arguing too much, even though Ryuu wasn’t here.”</p><p>Tenn groaned and sat up.  “Sounds so adult of us.”</p><p>Gaku sniffed the air.  “Does something smell... burnt?”</p><p>“Cookies.”</p><p>“Oh shit!”  Gaku jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen.  When he opened the oven, a cloud of smoke puffed out that set off the fire alarm.</p><p>Amidst Gaku coughing and the siren blaring, Tenn couldn’t help but laugh.</p><p>“This is what happens when Ryuu leaves us alone.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Shine on the Sea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ryuu sat in the passenger seat as Anesagi drove.  The days were longer and the sun was just setting, but the stormclouds over the sky obscured the light.</p>
<p>“How late will I be out?” He asked.  </p>
<p>“You’re set to perform at 10,” Anesagi said.  “And then, I would suggest hobnobbing with the guests a bit.  Talk about Crescent Wolf.  Maybe sign some autographs if they want.  So, midnight?”</p>
<p>“I won’t get much sleep, but I suppose it’ll be all right just for one day.”</p>
<p>She giggled to herself.  “You guys used to work every day on much less.”</p>
<p>“I know, but that wasn’t a healthy way to live.  And, I want my full focus on Crescent Wolf.”</p>
<p>“I understand.  I’ll have you in bed by 1 at latest, I promise.”</p>
<p>Raindrops hit the window.  These fat raindrops in the balm of a summer night always reminded him of his hometown.</p>
<p>“Anesagi-san,”’he said.  “Did you promise them a particular set?”</p>
<p>“I told them you’d only do one song and they said to make it one of your solos, so I figured you’d sing Risky Girlfriend.”</p>
<p>“Would it be okay if I sang My Template instead?”</p>
<p>Anesagi muddled it over while keeping her eyes on the road.  He could see the thought processing on her face.  In the end, she smiled.  “Sure.  I have the music for it, so why not?”</p>
<p>“Great.”</p>
<p>“That song makes you happy, doesn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”  Ryuu took a deep breath and exhaled it.  “I want the Thunder Dry ads back, but I don’t think I should present myself the same way as before.”</p>
<p>“Hm, just remember, if you want that license, you have to be sexy.  Their image is sexy men who can attract women.”</p>
<p>“Tenn and Gaku have helped me think about that a lot,” Ryuu said.  “I think that a fisherman’s son who loves to cook can be sexy, too.”</p>
<p>“Of course!”  Anesagi looked at him, balking as if that statement were so incredulous.  “Nothing sexier than a man who makes dinner.  And if he looks like you, that’s unbeatable.  You just have to work that angle.”</p>
<p>Ryuu chuckled.  “Thank you.  I feel good about this now, with your encouragement.”</p>
<p>“The old Yaotome-pro Anesagi had to change, too.”</p>
<p>“I am glad we have you here now.”</p>
<p>“Ryuu, don’t make me cry on the way to an event!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Ryuu walked onto the stage in front of a small crowd.  Only about a hundred guests had gathered.  </p>
<p>“Good evening.  I’m Ryunosuke Tsunashi.”</p>
<p>He gave his brightest smile.  The murmur quieted, and they turned from the party to give him their attention.</p>
<p>“Thank you for inviting me here.  I’d like to sing my favorite song for you.”</p>
<p>Yaotome-san had recognized this ability he had to capture an audience.  He had even said that Ryuu could debut on his own, if for some reason Trigger had never been.  But Ryuu wasn’t sure if Gaku’s father had ever fully understood why that was.</p>
<p>It was because he was able to connect to his audience with just a few words.  He always had, even while posing as Yaotome’s ideal bad boy.  They could feel his enthusiasm, and his love.</p>
<p>This intimate setting worked even more to his advantage.  Everyone present could see his face.  He could look them in the eyes and smile.</p>
<p>He sang his song, and the crowd gave him a round of applause that sounded like a thousand people.</p>
<p>This was his joy.  He only wished he could share this with Tenn and Gaku.</p>
<p>A few more minor celebrities did short performances after him, then the stage curtain was closed, and a band began to play instrumentals.  The guests went back to mingling.</p>
<p>Anesagi helped him wash up, then he made his way into the crowd.</p>
<p>This part had always felt awkward.  He preferred working in tandem with Gaku and Tenn.  Gaku was affable with everyone once you got past that face of his, and Tenn had a firm grasp of the social politics.  </p>
<p>But now, even if he was uncertain, the thought of never needing to lie about himself again lifted his spirits.  He was able to approach the crowd with a heartfelt smile on his face.</p>
<p>“I’ve never heard that one on the radio,” a young woman said.  She was a columnist from a young adults magazine that frequently used the Thunder Dry ads.  Ryuu remembered her face and name from doing an interview about a year ago, when his ads were prominent.  </p>
<p>“It wasn’t a chart topper,” Ryuu said, with a self-disparaging laugh.  “But it’s my personal favorite, and I wanted to share it with you.”</p>
<p>“Ah!  When you say that, I wish you could be talking about me specifically.”  She waved her hand.  “A joke.  But honestly, I think it was my favorite song of yours.  Maybe it’s because I was able to hear it sung live and so close up, but it really gave me that vibe of relaxing by the ocean.”</p>
<p>“I’m so glad!  That’s exactly the kind of feeling I want to share.”  Anesagi winked at him to keep going.  “Uh—If you liked my performance better live, maybe you’d enjoy the musical I am starring in?  Along with Tenn and Gaku, of course.”</p>
<p>“Crescent Wolf, right?  It sounds so interesting.  Oh, but aren’t they sold out already?”</p>
<p>Anesagi slipped a card into her hands.  “I’ll send you a press ticket.”</p>
<p>She was overjoyed by the prospect.  Anesagi gave Ryuu a pat on the back.  </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When Tenn came to his room, Gaku thought to himself, if this actually was a tryst in the night, he’d have been okay with that.  Once he was in, he was all in, and he was very much in for Tenn.  </p>
<p>Tenn stood in his doorway, pouting the way he did when he was embarrassed.  It took a monumental amount of willpower to stop himself from pulling Tenn close and kissing him again.</p>
<p>But it was better this way, waiting for Tenn to come around.  He wanted Tenn to kiss him again of his own accord.  He wanted Tenn to find the words to express his feelings.</p>
<p>Until then, well.  Tenn showing up at his door in polka dot flannels wasn’t a bad thing.</p>
<p>“Cute pajamas.”</p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p>Tenn brushed past him and sat down on his bed.  “Which side?”</p>
<p>He wondered if Tenn had dressed up extra modest just in case.  Not that Gaku would try anything, but it had the opposite effect.  Kind of adorable.</p>
<p>“Your choice.”</p>
<p>Tenn rolled over to the far side of the bed.  Gaku got in after him and turned the light off.  He pulled the blankets up.</p>
<p>There was a whole foot of space between them.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to hold you, or anything?”</p>
<p>“No, I just...”</p>
<p>Tenn kept sounding like he was fighting with himself.  Gaku resisted that urge to shout out <i>just tell me!</i>. He relaxed and closed his eyes.  He had to learn when to push, and when not.  Tenn could answer in his own time.</p>
<p>“I like hearing your breath,” Tenn said in a small voice, like he might wake someone.  “It’s weird, right?”</p>
<p>“No.  I’ll lay here, and you can be as near or far as you want.”</p>
<p>Silence in the dark for a moment.  Then, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Gaku sighed.  “Don’t thank me.  Just say Goodnight.”</p>
<p>“Okay.  Goodnight.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Even though their schedules had regularly kept them awake until morning not that long ago, driving home in the car with Anesagi at midnight felt like it was terribly late.  </p>
<p>Or maybe that was on account of how much he drank.</p>
<p>“Ah... Gaku’s gonna be jealous...”</p>
<p>“Tell him it was for work.”</p>
<p>He wasn’t too drunk to walk, so he said Goodnight to Anesagi at the door.</p>
<p>“I had a really good time.”</p>
<p>“This isn’t a date,” she laughed.  “Please, go to bed.  Are you sure you’ll make it?”</p>
<p>“I’ll take the stairs to sober up.”</p>
<p>She sighed.  “Well, Goodnight.”</p>
<p>He started his journey up the stairs.  By the third floor, he still wasn’t much more sober than before.  He was able to let himself in with his key without an issue, and that counted for something.</p>
<p>“Shine on the sea~” he was singing to himself, but met with the quiet and darkness inside the apartment, he quickly hushed himself.  Gaku and Tenn must have gone to bed.</p>
<p>There wasn’t a sparkly light from the crack of Tenn’s door where he usually had the nightlight running.  Ryuu took a peek inside to see if he was sleeping, but he wasn’t there.</p>
<p>He wasn’t in the bathroom or on the couch either.  </p>
<p>He knocked on Gaku’s door.  “Gaku... Gaku, wake up.  I can’t find Tenn.”</p>
<p>Gaku cracked it open, glaring at him.  He’d obviously been a sleep, but this was an emergency.  “Stop being so loud.”</p>
<p>Ryuu hadn’t meant to be.  “But Tenn’s not—“  He looked past Gaku to see a familiar mop of blondish-pinkish hair in Gaku’s bed.  “Oh!”  He grinned.  “So that’s why.”</p>
<p>“Don’t just say <i>so that’s why</i>,” Gaku said in a very aggressive whisper.  “Are you drunk?”</p>
<p>“A little.”</p>
<p>He scoffed.  “I’ll explain it in the morning then.  Don’t get any weird ideas.”</p>
<p>“I’m so happy~”</p>
<p>“Closing the door now.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gaku woke to the light of the sun shining in the window.  The rain had subsided and a rude bird was chirping away out there somewhere.</p>
<p>In spite of whatever internal struggle he was having with himself, Tenn had shifted in the night and nestled into his arms.  His forehead rested against Gaku’s chin.  His breath ticked his neck.  </p>
<p>Gaku remembered how jealous he’d been of Ryuu for this.  He almost couldn’t believe it was real, but Tenn was very warm and alive in his arms in a way that couldn’t be just a dream.</p>
<p>He wanted to kiss Tenn’s forehead and run a hand through his messy hair, but that might wake him.  He laid there, listening to Tenn breathing softly, and enjoying the warmth of him in his arms.</p>
<p>Tenn did stir, after a while.</p>
<p>“Morning, sunshine.”</p>
<p>That got him a groan.  “It wasn’t a bad dream...”</p>
<p>“<i>Bad</i> dream?”  Gaku chuckled and pushed the matted bangs away from Tenn’s face.  If he was going to use him as a bed warmer, he was going to have to put up with a little of his affection.  “I woke up from a <i>good</i> dream.”</p>
<p>Tenn narrows his sleepy eyes at him.  “It’s too early for that.”  His head dropped back onto Gaku’s arm.  “Save your cringey lines for after I’ve had my coffee.”</p>
<p>Gaku sighed.  Ryuu was wrong about one thing.  Tenn wasn’t like a meek little bunny.  Not at all.  He was more like a cat, all balled up and demanding.  </p>
<p>He indulged himself in one stroke of Tenn’s hair.  At first he thought Tenn was allowing this without any complaints, but then realized that his little bed warmer had fallen right back to sleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Ryuu had gotten up early feeling amazing, and decided to make a big breakfast for the new... couple?  Whatever Gaku and Tenn were being.</p>
<p>He wouldn’t have disturbed them, except it was getting late, and they had rehearsals that day.</p>
<p>“Rise and shine!  I made special breakfast!”</p>
<p>He could hear their muffled groans and tossing in bed.  Soon they emerged and joined him in the kitchen.  Gaku was in his usual sweats and shirt.  Tenn was in long pajamas even though it was warm at this time of year.</p>
<p>“How are you this energetic after a late night drinking?”</p>
<p>“It’s really unfathomable.” </p>
<p>But that only made Ryuu happier to see that they were agreeing and getting along well.  “Chocolate pancakes,” he said.  “Tenn’s favorite.  And for Gaku, home made dashi.”</p>
<p>“Pancakes and dashi?” Gaku grumbled. “Come on.”</p>
<p>“Not that I doubt your culinary prowess, but...”</p>
<p>“Sometimes flavors seem like they don’t agree, but then you try them together and it really works out!  It can be really harmonious.”</p>
<p>They groaned again.  </p>
<p>Tenn sighed.  “This is our punishment for burning the cookies.”</p>
<p>Ryuu smiled and nodded.  “That, it is.  So sit down, and let me feed you.”</p>
<p>They couldn’t argue.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. At the Altar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Throughout their rehearsals, the orchestra had been adjusting and readjusting to the performers.  Gaku could hear clicks and mock-ups in his ear even when there were none playing.  </p>
<p>Tenn in particular had been experimenting with different ways to speed up and slow down.  Whatever beat he leant from the score, he paid back in perfect time.</p>
<p>Gaku knelt and held Tenn.</p>
<p>“Now I have a scar like yours,” he sang.  He had been practicing singing in this position, and Gaku could feel him arching his back in his arms to open his chest.   “And I can finally see the light of the crescent moon.”</p>
<p>“That’s no scar, you’re bleeding,” Gaku sang.  “Don’t go to that light, stay with me.”  </p>
<p>They were singing too different melodies.  Gaku’s was a softer take on the main fighting song, while Tenn’s was a wistful rendition of the main theme.  They harmonized at first, but as Tenn’s character lingered closer to death, his melody drifted farther and farther away.</p>
<p>The Gaku’s character cried.</p>
<p>After the rehearsal, Tenn stood there in his ripped costume with fake blood still smeared on his face and smirked at him.  “Outstanding performance.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I’m starting to get kind of jealous of how well you can cry on demand. Everyone in the audience will tear up.”</p>
<p>He didn’t want to tell Tenn that it wasn’t fake.  All he had to do was think about losing him for real, and that would get his emotions going.  But that was embarrassing.</p>
<p>“The one who cries well is Ryuu,” he said, changing the subject.   “Where’d he go, anyway?”</p>
<p>He looked around himself, and found Ryuu busy thanking the other performers.  It wasn’t typical that Ryuu socialized much outside of their group, and Gaku liked to see it.  There were even a few girls over there, and Ryuu wasn’t nervous at all.</p>
<p>“Wow, he’s come a long way, huh?”</p>
<p>Tenn smiled up at him.  He looked brighter than usual.  The extra sleep must have been doing him well.  “Yeah.”</p>
<p>Ryuu broke away from his new friends and draped his arms over Tenn and Gaku’s necks, pulling in for a hug.  “Good job, you two!”</p>
<p>A photographer snapped a picture of them.  Gaku wondered if they’d been trying to catch something that could be taken out of context to cause another scandal.  If that was the case, he hoped they’d run the one from that exact moment.   </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Katsudon again?” Tenn said, not in a griping tone, but as if it was funny.  Gaku had to admit that the spread of delivery food laid out on their table courtesy of Ryuu was a little extreme.</p>
<p>“It’s a tradition now,” Ryuu answered.  “I’d rather make it myself, but we are short on time, and the Katsu place is so close.”</p>
<p>Gaku groaned.  “The delivery driver is on a first name basis with our security guard already.”</p>
<p>“And you would know all about deliveries, huh, soba man?”</p>
<p>Gaku didn’t ignore the teasing tone in Tenn’s voice, but he didn’t want to get riled up—especially not in front of Ryuu.  Lately when Tenn got to him, he was ruling him up in an entirely different kind of way.  “Uhg, I haven’t stepped foot in the shop in weeks.”</p>
<p>“Your mom and grandpa got front row seats, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I made sure they’re on the opposite end of the row from my dad.”</p>
<p>Ryuu grinned.  “My dad and brothers can sit between them!”</p>
<p>“With your whole family between them, maybe they’ll be far enough apart.”</p>
<p>Tenn was unusually quiet at that.  </p>
<p>“Riku will be there too,” Gaku said.  Although, he was sure that wasn’t the family that Tenn was thinking about.  </p>
<p>Kujo hadn’t contacted Tenn at all, at least not to his knowledge.  Although he wouldn’t put it past Tenn to hide it from them if he had, Gaku had a dark thought that maybe Tenn was disowned now.  Maybe Kujo would never call on Tenn again, and he could continue living here in peace.  </p>
<p>Whatever the case, Tenn put on a smile for them.  “Of course.  And our other little brothers.”</p>
<p>He sighed.  “Most of i7 is older than you, you know.”</p>
<p>He just laughed at that, leaving behind any doubts.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>That night, Tenn came to his room in a pair of shorts and a loose shirt.  </p>
<p>He crawled into the opposite side of the bed from Gaku.  “You can turn the light off.”</p>
<p>Maybe it was the excitement still coursing through him, but he felt like testing Tenn’s patience and liked the back of his neck in the spot where his hair was fine like the downy underbelly of a hen.  “I don’t know if I can sleep.”</p>
<p>Tenn turned to face him.  Gaku had expected him to look annoyed, but he was smiling, all soft and bundled up in the luxury comforter.  “Oh?”  He gave a short laugh and his eyes sparkled in the lamp light.  “Will it help if I hold you until you fall asleep?”</p>
<p>Gaku blinked back at him.  “You serious?”</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes.  “Not really, it’s just what you say to me every night.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to fight it, you know.  You always wake up hugging me anyway.”</p>
<p>“Pfft.”</p>
<p>“Heh.  Well, better not.  If you hold me, I’ll be so excited I’ll never fall asleep.”</p>
<p>“Turn the light off.”  Tenn huffed and flipped over to face the wall.</p>
<p>Gaku figured that last tease had been too much.  He wondered if Tenn was blushing.  It wasn’t fair that he couldn’t see it.  Oh well.  </p>
<p>He clicked the light off.  Exhaustion won over excitement, and he fell asleep right away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>In spite of his best efforts, Tenn did wake up snuggled into Gaku’s side after all.  He hated this need of his unconscious body to seek out warmth and the sound of breath.  </p>
<p>It was usually Gaku who woke him. His internal clock always went off a few minutes before the alarm.  </p>
<p>He wondered how much time remained on the clock before he’d hear it go off.  Minutes?  Maybe only seconds.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, wishing he could make the moment last.</p>
<p>Gaku’s smell was nice in the morning.  He could get so downright stinky during the day between all of their rigorous practices, and in the evenings after work, he wore a specific cologne.  But in bed, in the hours between his night and morning showers, he had a mild, natural scent.   Tenn wondered if he also smelled that way to others after sleeping here in Gaku’s bed.  </p>
<p>Gaku’s long, pale eyelashes fluttered open.  His eyes focused and a half-awake smile spread across his face.</p>
<p>“Morning, sunshine.”</p>
<p>Tenn’s first instinct was to roll over and pretend he hadn’t been enjoying the situation, but he couldn’t look away from that dumb, groggy smile.</p>
<p>“Today is the day.”</p>
<p>“Yes it is,” Gaku said, and gave him a sloppy kiss on his forehead.  It was the first time since that night that Tenn had felt his lips, and even if it was a quick and chaste little peck, it made his body run hot.  He laid there wondering if it would be wrong to ask for more.</p>
<p>Then the alarm went off.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They went immediately to the theatre that morning.  Anesagi drove, and their security officer sat in the passenger seat.  </p>
<p>Tenn looked through the window toward the sun.  It was a nice day.  He wouldn’t see the sun again until tomorrow, after they’d performed opening night and slept on it.</p>
<p>Ryuu and Gaku were both giddy with excitement in that way that annoyed Tenn when he was younger.  At age 16, he couldn’t fathom adults who got all excited and giggled over things, no matter how passionate they may be.  Idols had to control their image strictly.</p>
<p>But now at 19 and close to 20, he was glad to see that their enthusiasm and wonder had never left them.  Doing something like this with passionless professionals who only looked at each other as coworkers would have been impossible.</p>
<p>“Don’t strain yourselves laughing,” he said, because it wouldn’t be the same if he didn’t scold a little.</p>
<p>“We’ll see who gets the last laugh.”  Ryuu, sharing the back seat with him, snuck his arm around Tenn’s waist to tickle him.</p>
<p>“That’s not—“  Tenn tried to control it, but Ryuu knew exactly where to jab at with his wiggling fingers to make him laugh.  “That’s not how you use that phrase!”</p>
<p>Gaku turned his head from the middle row of the van and smiled in a way that was distant and warm.</p>
<p>As they pulled up, they saw their billboard.  None of them were strangers to seeing their own faces blown up on the sides of buildings.  What hit Tenn this time was the change from the words “coming soon” to “tonight.”</p>
<p>“This is it,” Gaku said.  </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Gaku had a dressing room all to himself.  It was his privilege as the leading actor, but he envied Ryuu and Tenn for being able to share one together.</p>
<p>He’d been trapped in this room doing costume and makeup for over an hour now, and he hadn’t seen Tenn or Ryuu since earlier in the day.  The thought that the next time he saw them would be on stage was something like how a bride and groom must feel at the altar after being forbidden to see each other all day.</p>
<p>There weren’t any visitors allowed backstage either, but at least he’d been sent a number of beautiful floral arrangements and gift baskets.  They made the room a little less empty.</p>
<p>The arrangement from Yaotome Pro came with a card displaying signatures from many of their former crew, many who added sentiments like “we miss you” and “do your best out there!”  But not his father’s.  Even so, it had the overworked traditional aesthetic that he knew only Sosuke Yaotome would have been particular enough to insist upon.</p>
<p>One came from a Trigger fan group online.  It was all blue, pink, and white.  Once upon a time, they’d need a second stadium next to the one they performed in to hold all of the flowers their fans would send, but Gaku appreciated this one from the fans who had always been with them, and had never abandoned them.</p>
<p>One of the gift baskets was from Chiba Suou, which contained a bottle is extremely premium Japanese whisky.  He looked forward to opening that once he was allowed.</p>
<p>Among the others, there was an arrangement from Takanashi Productions.  A traditional ikebana style piece utilizing the branch of a cherry tree, along with other blossoms.  Included in the card were cute messages and doodles from each Idolish7 member, chaotic and unintelligible as some of them were.  </p>
<p>Then finally, one last message of support.</p>
<p>“Show them your smile”<br/><i>Idolish7 Manager Takanashi.</i></p>
<p>He was surprised at himself when his heart didn’t sting.  Instead of grieving over a life he never lived, he held his head up high.  He would smile, and more brightly than ever.</p>
<p>There was a knock at his door.</p>
<p>He expected Anesagi coming to call him to the stage, but behind the door was Tenn, looking up at him, his browned furrowed with determination.</p>
<p>“What’s up?”</p>
<p>Tenn pushed his way in and shut the door behind him.  </p>
<p>“Gaku.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>Tenn looked down away from him.  His cheeks were flushed.</p>
<p>Gaku touched a hand to Tenn’s forehead.  “Don’t tell me you’re sick now of all times.”  </p>
<p>“Moron.”  The insult came out sharp and in half a whisper as Tenn pushed his hand away.  “Could I, uh...” Tenn started to look up at him, and for a moment their eyes met, but he quickly looked away. </p>
<p>“I’ve never seen you this nervous before a show.”  He placed a hand behind Tenn’s back and rubbed in a circle between his shoulder blades.  “Do you need a little reassurance?  Ha.  Everything is going to be great, don’t worry.”</p>
<p>“That’s not it, idiot.”  Tenn cleared his throat.  “Before the show, for good luck, if nothing else— could I...”</p>
<p>“Stop being weird and spit it out already.”</p>
<p>“Kiss me.  For luck.”</p>
<p>It took him a moment to process what Tenn was saying to him.  “Tenn, if you want a kiss, just come and get one.”</p>
<p>Tenn’s nose wrinkled up at that.  His blush intensified.  He looked like a cat all balled up and ready to fight. “The last time I did it was a disaster!”</p>
<p>“What the hell are you talking about?”</p>
<p>He puffed out a breath of air.  “That time.  You were so mad, you almost left.”</p>
<p>“You’re misremembering.”  Gaku groaned.  “I was pretty into that part.  I got angry because you wanted to take it back like it never happened instead of being honest with me.”</p>
<p>Tenn pouted and didn’t respond, like he knew he was wrong but he couldn’t admit it.  Constantly at odds with himself.  Gaku found that hopelessly frustrating.  He wanted to comb his fingers through Tenn’s hair and tease him until the real Tenn came out, but he knew it would mess up his styling.  The real and unfiltered Tenn might break his foot, too.</p>
<p>“All the same, you shouldn’t leave it up to me again.  You can’t just rely on me to do everything.”</p>
<p>“Well that’s an interesting way to turn it around on me.  How many backflips did you do in your head before you came up with that one?”</p>
<p>“Never mind, I don’t even want to now!”</p>
<p>“Wait, come on—“</p>
<p>Gaku took Tenn’s hand before he could turn to leave.  He’d have let him go if he felt a tug, but Tenn let himself be pulled a step closer.  Putting on an act as always.</p>
<p>Tenn wasn’t a short man by any means, but Gaku was so tall by contrast that he had to lean down to reach him.  </p>
<p>He was met by Tenn turning his chin up and lifting his head.</p>
<p>That first time had been sudden and surreal.  This time, Gaku wanted to kiss him gently and pay close attention to every detail.</p>
<p>He felt Tenn’s hands on his shoulders pulling him down, trailing up to the back of his neck, his fingers twisting in his hair.  Self indulgent.  Tenn kissed him like he’d been starving.</p>
<p>Gaku wanted to find out what might happen if he let Tenn do as he wished for a moment longer, but against that strong temptation, he pulled away.  “Don’t get too excited. We have a show to do.”</p>
<p>Tenn frowned, but his blush was cute.  His lips had darkened from the fervent kiss, and the color suited him.</p>
<p>To make sure he didn’t somehow misinterpret this as a rejection, he gave Tenn one more soft peck on his forehead.  “More later.  As much as you want.”</p>
<p>That earned him a scowl.  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah.  I would.  Did something give you the impression I wouldn’t?”</p>
<p>Tenn rolled his eyes.  “Good luck.”</p>
<p>“Oh, right.”  That had been the prompt for this.  He had forgotten in the thick of it.  “Good luck, Tenn.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>